In recent months, there has been an absolute explosion of allegations of sexual harassment and improper sexual conduct in the government, in media, and entertainment industries. What are we to make of all this? Two seasoned professional Christian counselors weigh in about what is happening in society at large
It is important in life and in ministry to know who is with you, and to what level or degree they are with you. Have you ever had someone that you thought was a committed friend, but later found out they really weren’t? What about a person you thought was a loyal church member or staff member, but they quickly proved otherwise? People can step away from a church or a staff for positive reasons and in a positive manner, but it is still important for teams to be cohesive and working toward a common purpose. … read more
If you will let faith work in you, it must be more than a problem solving method. It must change you as a person, and it must change your perspective. Have a faith bigger than if you get a new car. Have a faith bigger than if your plans are all fulfilled. Make your faith more about heaven, and more about what is yet to come. Make faith more about heaven than it is about earth. I see three types of faith taught in the New Testament. … read more
More than anything else Christianity is about the Father and His family – God and His people, the church, and the richness of the life He has given us – love, joy, peace, patience, forgiveness, etc. It is about the omnipotent God and His unfailing, unflagging love, who worked for millennia to win back the height of His creation – humans. It is about Him through the sacrifice of Jesus bringing us into a purposeful life of destiny. It is about being raised up as sons and daughters, equipped to do God’s work (Ephesians 4:12 NLT). … read more
My mother passed away last month, and as Christmas approaches, I’m filled with memories of her, of how she lived her life, and of how much she loved her children. One of my favorite memories is from my early childhood. My mother and father attended a Methodist church at the time, and at Christmas they always put a manger scene beneath our Christmas tree. My father made the wooden stall himself as he was an artist and loved working with wood. My mother would drive an hour to Indianapolis every Christmas season and buy one or two figurines to fill the manger scene with. … read more
Have you ever fallen into the trap of comparing yourself with other pastors? If so, what resulted? How did you learn to quit comparing yourself with other ministers and focus on being yourself and doing what God asks of you?
In the lobby of Good News Church in Moscow, there is a large plaque expressing gratitude to the partners who helped make that wonderful facility a reality. Each time we entered and exited the building on my recent visit, Rick Renner stopped and placed his hands on that plaque. He prayed a brief prayer thanking God for their partners, asking him to bless them. I was impressed with and moved by his action; it reminded me never to take the kindness of others for granted. The reality is that all of us, whether we are pastors or not, have been profoundly impacted by the efforts of others. We are beneficiaries of the farmers who have grown the food that we eat, the construction workers who built our homes and the roads on which we drive, and the teachers who have shared knowledge with us. … read more
David Osborne and his wife, Lori, pastor the Burlington Church of Christ, an independent, community Christian church located in North Central Indiana. In addition to being a 1982 graduate of Rhema Bible Training Center, David holds a bachelor’s degree from Indiana University and a Master of Arts in Pastoral Counseling from Liberty University.
Proverbs 11:30 (ESV)
The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life, And he who is wise wins souls.
I stood in front of a crowd of people in a grief-filled room for a deceased man that I had never met and for his unchurched family that will most likely never come to my church. I asked myself once again: Am I doing the right thing offering my ministerial service and sacrificing personal time for the unchurched? The funeral service I am referring to was my third funeral for that week, and like the two before it, I did not know the deceased or any of their family members before being contacted by a local funeral director for help. The only connection I had with the crowd before me was that they needed a minister, and I was willing to help.
Throughout the service, I’d like to say that their many warm smiles confirmed that taking on one more funeral for the week was the right choice. But this particular crowd was almost expressionless, stoic even, only adding to my worry that the time and effort I had already spent on this service was a waste of valuable ministry time. However, at the conclusion of the service, confirmation came as many in attendance shared emotion-filled words that indicated that my time spent was not a loss, but possibly some of the best seed planting for the Gospel I had done in a while.
So why do I take on so many non-church family funerals even though there is both a personal cost and cost to my ministry to do them? It’s simple. I have learned over the years to treat every funeral opportunity as an extension of my pastoral work and not a conflict to it. The Apostle Paul once told his apprentice and partner in ministry, Timothy, to “be sober in all things, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry” (2 Tim. 4:5, KJV). For me, providing pastoral care and ministerial services for the deceased and their surviving family members has become some of the richest soil to plant the seeds of salvation into the hearts of non-Christian people while also shepherding the wandering sheep of Jesus back to the safety of following Him more closely. Once I made this change in my outlook concerning the calls I get almost weekly to perform funeral services for the unchurched and those without a pastor, I noticed a deep, spiritual change in the whole process I go through every time a funeral director calls me for help. I would like to share some of these helpful insights and practices with you.
1 Corinthians 15:58, NIV
Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
Some time ago, I was getting out my car to walk into the funeral home for a person I had never met. In that moment I thought, “Am I really going to make a difference today?” I was tired and overwhelmed with many other ministry tasks yet to perform that week. In the middle of the groan that came from my soul came the familiar voice of our Savior by His Spirit saying, “Your ‘showing up’ changes everything for them.” I knew in an instant that regardless of how well I conducted the service, which is a pressure I always feel, I had already provided the family with something they desperately needed: someone to minister to their pain. Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” This isn’t just a great Scripture to read at funerals, it’s what the Lord does through us as we “just show up.”
It’s easy to focus on the family members most affected by the death of a loved one. However, we are given a great opportunity to serve every person involved. From funeral director to grave services, from closest friends to the most distant relative, we represent Jesus and His love for each of them.
Not too many funerals ago, a family requested a bagpipe player to play as the casket was carried to the gravesite from the funeral coach. Following the committal service, the bagpiper approached me commenting on how moving the service was (I didn’t even know the bagpiper was in listening distance to the service).
There are many ways to bless the overlooked-grievers (my word) when a death occurs.
When a 92 year old man passed away, his dear friend that wintered close to him in Florida made the trip to Indiana in order to attend his friend’s service. I noticed before the service began that the friend from Florida was displaying heavy grief. Because he was not family, he took a backseat to their needs. At the grave site, as the pallbearers were making ready to carry the casket to the grave, I quickly asked the friend if he would like to lead the casket with me to its final resting place. It was a sweet walk with a dear, aging friend that needed to be included in the service and identified as someone who was deeply grieving. Needless to say, he thanked me, hugged me, and told me how honored he was to join me in that moment. Small things matter.
Funeral directors and staff need ministry.
Some of the best ministry moments have been riding out to the cemetery with funeral directors and staff. While the slow procession is in motion, and I would rather be reviewing my notes in preparation for the committal service, it’s at that time the directors or staff seem to want to open up to me about what’s going on in their lives and to see if I have any words of help. I know it seems strange, but if we approach the whole funeral service event as a rich field to work in for Jesus, even a funeral coach becomes a counseling room for those needing spiritual guidance.
I make it a standard practice to find the person or persons that seem to feel that they are serving in the least capacity, and I serve them.
Mark 10:44-45 (ESV)
And whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.
All pastors face the need to streamline reoccurring activities; however, we need to avoid the trap of using the same funeral service every time. The answer is to use a standard format that provides a familiar flow every time while allowing plenty of flexibility making every funeral service special and unique for every family served.
Here’s my standard outline when serving those without a pastor or home church. Note the flow.
If there are military rites given, serve the military rites team by letting them go first (this respect has created a really close relationship between our local teams and myself).
FYI: When the flag approaches, stand at attention and cover your heart. When TAPS is being played, stand at attention and cover your heart (non-military don’t salute). A good cue is to watch what the military rites team members are doing and follow their lead.
Sometimes I like to read the lyrics to TAPS out at the grave, especially if the military rites team can’t be present for some reason. Also, it makes for a great closing statement before the closing prayer. Here are the lyrics I use:
Day is done, gone the sun
From the lakes, from the hills, from the sky
All is well, safely rest
God is nigh.
Fading light dims the sight
And a star gems the sky, gleaming bright
From afar, drawing near
Falls the night.
Thanks and praise for our days
Neath the sun, neath the stars, neath the sky
As we go, this we know
God is nigh.
Committal services feel different—they should be very dignified and reverent. Typically, they should be about the minister concluding the duty the Lord has given to oversee the returning of a human body to the ground from which all our bodies were formed while trusting the spirit and soul to the Lord. I have five main components:
It takes a lot of time for me to memorize a message, so I don’t. My brain doesn’t work that way. But, when I work to familiarize my heart and mind with what I took the time to write out, I find that I am well prepared as a speaker to be used of the Lord by His Spirit.
Learn to balance some reading with speaking from the heart while making eye contact. Throughout the service, have moments where you can leave your notes, look up, and make extended eye contact for a minute or two. Having those brief moments separated by parts of the service reading your notes is required and expected by the audience. For example, I know I am going to read the obituary. That is why it follows what I call “opening words” and “opening prayer.” Throughout the opening words and leading up to the opening prayer, I have familiarized the statements I felt the Holy Spirit wanted me to say while making a good connection with their hearts through careful eye contact. Looking up and looking into the eyes of the crowd is needed here, especially at the very beginning. It puts the crowd at ease, and it reassures them that this service is going to be both personal and professional as their loved one is being remembered.
Develop a good repertoire of Scriptures that relate in most funeral services. These become the “go-to” verses that seem to leap out of your heart as you minister to the bereaved.
At a minimum, it takes one hour meeting with the family, two hours typing out the service and getting a sense from the Holy Spirit the direction He wants the service to go, one hour before the service checking on the family and reading over my notes several times, 40 minutes for an average service, the time it takes to travel to the cemetery for the committal service, and 10 minutes for the committal service (my part). Add 15 minutes if there is a military rites team involved. That’s around five hours of time well spent every time a funeral director calls and asks, “Can you help me with a family that does not have a home church or a pastor?”
“Thank you for being courageous, Pastor.” I was taken a bit off guard when one of my parishioners, a long-time Christian and a very bright man, made this comment after my sermon. The topic of the day was the power, the purpose, and the pitfalls of sex. I knew that some of the material might be challenging to a few members of our congregation, but it never occurred to me that it was “courageous” to broach the subject of sexual sin. I plead guilty to being naïve, maybe even foolhardy, but courageous? The fact that it would be thought so seemed more depressing than the subject itself. That decrying sin and encouraging holiness would be considered somehow outside the pastoral norm is, to me, a chilling indictment of the condition of our culture and the Church … read more
Tony had taken an astronomy class in college, and he explained to me one night while we were dating that the ability to view the stars and planets well required “good seeing.” This means conditions atmospherically are conducive to a clear view of what you are looking at in the night sky. “The seeing is the term used in astronomy to quantify the steadiness or the turbulence of the atmosphere.” Even though we were looking at the stars and planets through our eyes alone and not with a telescope, we soon developed a judgment whether or not the night was a good seeing night or a bad seeing night. Read this article by Lisa Cooke
Two questions about ministry and the calling: (1) How did you as a pastor realize that you were called to ministry and to the pastoral office in particular? (2) Knowing that many are called to serve who are not called to preach, per se, how do you help other people recognize and discern their calling?
Americans are reeling yet again following another senseless tragedy. As always, good-hearted people are responding with compassion, and in this benevolence, many find strength and hope. Many others, though, are increasingly confused and bewildered by the endless stream of natural disasters and human violence that incessantly assault us. Instead of succumbing to fear and fatalism, these situations present us with an opportunity to gain perspective, find answers, and discover comfort in God’s word. We will never comprehend these events unless we understand the bondage that this world and all of humanity came under due to original sin. Scripture is not mythology or a fairy tale. Paul writes, “When Adam sinned, sin entered the world. Adam’s sin brought death, so death spread to everyone, for everyone sinned” (Rom 5:12, NLT). … read more
There are spiders that occasionally spin their webs across the front walkway to our house. It is unnerving to feel that sticky substance attach itself to my skin as I unknowingly walk through one of their webs on the way to my car. Immediately I do the “spider dance” trying to get that web and any possible spiders off of me as quickly as possible. I don’t like being caught in their snare, even though in my rational mind I know I’m bigger than they are and that their web is no real threat to me. Our adversary is much like a spider that weaves a nearly invisible web to catch its prey. He hopes to “catch” us in his carefully woven web of lies and deceit. Some traps and snares are very obvious and can be easily seen and avoided. Read this article by Lisa Cooke
Can you imagine someone opening up a box containing a jigsaw puzzle, and simply picking up one or two pieces of the puzzle? Imagine them holding up that piece or two and feeling like they’ve made a great discovery! At the same time, they blatantly disregard the hundreds of other necessary pieces that are designed to give a complete picture. We might think that is an absurd illustration, but people do the same thing with Scripture frequently. It takes all of the pieces of a puzzle to make a complete picture, and it takes the whole counsel—the comprehensive teaching—of God to give us an accurate picture of God and his will for our lives. In teaching the Bible, I have often stressed balance. It is important to understand that balance is not 50% faith and 50% unbelief; neither is balance 50% grace and 50% legalism. … read more
I’m writing this on September 24, one day after the most recent in a long-string of ill-advised predictions about the rapture, the end of the world, or whatever cataclysmic event was supposed to have happened on September 23. Every time one of these so-called researchers predicts a date, I groan silently and roll my eyes. Some people simply refuse to learn from history, and some persist in thinking they have discovered the hidden, secret, cryptic formula for calculating the end of time. What equally troubles me is how gullible others are to jump on the bandwagon and believe these types of things. While the whole world did not end dramatically on September 23, the world did end for thousands of people, as it does every day. A quick look at a few websites reveals that approximately 151,600 people die each day around the world. This is most sobering, especially in light of Hebrews 9:27 that states, “It is appointed for men to die once, but after this the judgment.” … read more
Many aspire to leadership, but do not understand the privilege, responsibility, and stakes of it. Romans 12:8 tells those who have been given the gift of leadership to “lead with diligence.” Before leading others with diligence, a leader must successfully lead themselves. Paul told Timothy, a leader, to “take heed to yourself.” As a leader, I have a deep sense of responsibility and conviction for what God has entrusted to me. With this profound call to leadership, we must prioritize the leadership of ourselves over the leadership of others. Leaders must engage in the process of self-leadership, self-development, and self-discovery because not doing so has serious implications for those around them. … read more
Below is a link to a brief audio interview with Pastor Jim that I hope you will take time to listen to it. One month ago, the eye of hurricane Harvey went directly over Jim’s community in Victoria, Texas. Since that time, they’ve been very proactively ministering to people in their congregation and in the broader community. Jim shares some excellent insights on how to be effective in ministering hope in the midst of a disaster.
Psalm 53:5 tells us that “God scatters the bones” of those who oppose his people. Knowing and believing God’s attitude toward the enemies of His people is a potent advantage we can have as we wage war against any of our adversaries and especially toward any doubts that may wander into our thought life. Remember that “We do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places (Eph 6:12). God has made our enemies His enemies and no one and nothing can conquer Him or His will. This may sound foreign to us when we are so used to thinking about the love and mercy of God, and of course, we pray that everyone will humble himself or herself before God and receive His mercy. The Apostle Paul himself was a great enemy of the church, and he received mercy. Read this article by Lisa Cooke
As a minister of the Gospel, it is imperative that I not only study the word of God diligently, but that I also maintain an awareness of my own heart and motives. I will answer to God for what I teach others, and I must ensure that my motives are truly for the benefit of others and not for self-gain. I recently was sent a preacher’s message, and I regret to say that he twisted and misused Scripture considerably. It is probably not surprising to you that the issue pertained to money and prosperity. Listening to this message reminded me of what A. T. Robertson said, “One proof of the inspiration of the Bible is that it has withstood so much poor preaching.” There is an enormous need today for ministers to be excellent students of Scripture and faithful proclaimers of truth. … read more
September 5, 2017 – Lisa and I just returned from an attempt to go to Florida. When we reached Dallas, we were advised not to go further. In addition to the cancellation of those meetings, we will also not be going to Savannah, GA this weekend either. What is a minor inconvenience for us is potentially catastrophic for thousands, if not millions, of others. With many still reeling from Hurricane Harvey’s effects and with Irma’s overall effects yet unknown, thought it good to share a couple of thoughts about storms from a biblical perspective … read more
With the recent expressions of racism, bigotry, and hatred in the U.S., how are different pastors responding? What should be said or not said from the pulpit?
I recently had the privilege of sitting down and visiting with Grady and Becky Pickett who reside in Irbil, Iraq. The work they are doing helping Syrian refugees and other people displaced by the war there is nothing short of amazing! You will enjoy hearing how they are serving, helping, and caring for people there.
Some time ago, I was getting out my car to walk into the funeral home for a person I had never met. In that moment I thought, “Am I really going to make a difference today?” I was tired and overwhelmed with many other ministry tasks yet to perform that week. In the middle of the groan that came from my soul came the familiar voice of our Savior by His Spirit saying, “Your ‘showing up’ changes everything for them.” I knew in an instant that regardless of how well I conducted the service, which is a pressure I always feel, I had already provided the family with something they desperately needed: someone to minister to their pain. … read more
The Weymouth New Testament version of Ephesians 4:16 says “Dependent on Him, the whole body—it’s various parts closely fitting and firmly adhering to one another—grows by the aid of every contributory link, with power proportioned to the need of each individual part, so as to build itself up in a spirit of love.” The phrase—grows by the aid of every contributory link—reminds me how valuable every single person in the Body of Christ is to the grand plan that God has orchestrated concerning our time spent here on earth. The word “contributory” is defined as “playing a part to bring something about.” How are we as members of the Body of Christ to play a part and to aid in bringing something about? Read this article by Lisa Cooke
Jesus is no harsh taskmaster, but He does communicate standards and expectations to those He has freely redeemed, accepted, and forgiven. He said, “my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light” (Matt 11:30). He didn’t tell His apostles to merely teach people that they are loved and forgiven; Jesus directed, “Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you” (Matt 28:20). The Beloved Apostle writes, “Loving God means keeping his commandments, and his commandments are not burdensome” (1 John 5:3). I have no interest in laboring under a legalistic list of do’s and don’ts and should’s and must’s. Neither do I want to be a part of what Leonard Ravenhill described years ago: “Today’s Church wants to be raptured from responsibility.” That is not a right approach either. I want to live out of a vibrant relationship with God in which he empowers me to do those things that he has clearly instructed and commanded in His Word. That is not legalism; that is liberating! … read more
