David Osborne and his wife, Lori, pastor the Burlington Church of Christ, an independent, community Christian church located in North Central Indiana. In addition to being a 1982 graduate of Rhema Bible Training Center, David holds a bachelor’s degree from Indiana University and a Master of Arts in Pastoral Counseling from Liberty University.

Proverbs 11:30 (ESV)
The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life, And he who is wise wins souls.

I stood in front of a crowd of people in a grief-filled room for a deceased man that I had never met and for his unchurched family that will most likely never come to my church. I asked myself once again: Am I doing the right thing offering my ministerial service and sacrificing personal time for the unchurched? The funeral service I am referring to was my third funeral for that week, and like the two before it, I did not know the deceased or any of their family members before being contacted by a local funeral director for help. The only connection I had with the crowd before me was that they needed a minister, and I was willing to help.

Throughout the service, I’d like to say that their many warm smiles confirmed that taking on one more funeral for the week was the right choice. But this particular crowd was almost expressionless, stoic even, only adding to my worry that the time and effort I had already spent on this service was a waste of valuable ministry time. However, at the conclusion of the service, confirmation came as many in attendance shared emotion-filled words that indicated that my time spent was not a loss, but possibly some of the best seed planting for the Gospel I had done in a while.

So why do I take on so many non-church family funerals even though there is both a personal cost and cost to my ministry to do them? It’s simple. I have learned over the years to treat every funeral opportunity as an extension of my pastoral work and not a conflict to it. The Apostle Paul once told his apprentice and partner in ministry, Timothy, to “be sober in all things, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry” (2 Tim. 4:5, KJV). For me, providing pastoral care and ministerial services for the deceased and their surviving family members has become some of the richest soil to plant the seeds of salvation into the hearts of non-Christian people while also shepherding the wandering sheep of Jesus back to the safety of following Him more closely. Once I made this change in my outlook concerning the calls I get almost weekly to perform funeral services for the unchurched and those without a pastor, I noticed a deep, spiritual change in the whole process I go through every time a funeral director calls me for help. I would like to share some of these helpful insights and practices with you.

1 Corinthians 15:58, NIV
Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

1. Just Showing Up Changes Everything

Some time ago, I was getting out my car to walk into the funeral home for a person I had never met. In that moment I thought, “Am I really going to make a difference today?” I was tired and overwhelmed with many other ministry tasks yet to perform that week. In the middle of the groan that came from my soul came the familiar voice of our Savior by His Spirit saying, “Your ‘showing up’ changes everything for them.” I knew in an instant that regardless of how well I conducted the service, which is a pressure I always feel, I had already provided the family with something they desperately needed: someone to minister to their pain. Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” This isn’t just a great Scripture to read at funerals, it’s what the Lord does through us as we “just show up.”

2. Every Person Counts

It’s easy to focus on the family members most affected by the death of a loved one. However, we are given a great opportunity to serve every person involved. From funeral director to grave services, from closest friends to the most distant relative, we represent Jesus and His love for each of them.

Not too many funerals ago, a family requested a bagpipe player to play as the casket was carried to the gravesite from the funeral coach. Following the committal service, the bagpiper approached me commenting on how moving the service was (I didn’t even know the bagpiper was in listening distance to the service).

There are many ways to bless the overlooked-grievers (my word) when a death occurs.

When a 92 year old man passed away, his dear friend that wintered close to him in Florida made the trip to Indiana in order to attend his friend’s service. I noticed before the service began that the friend from Florida was displaying heavy grief. Because he was not family, he took a backseat to their needs. At the grave site, as the pallbearers were making ready to carry the casket to the grave, I quickly asked the friend if he would like to lead the casket with me to its final resting place. It was a sweet walk with a dear, aging friend that needed to be included in the service and identified as someone who was deeply grieving. Needless to say, he thanked me, hugged me, and told me how honored he was to join me in that moment. Small things matter.

Funeral directors and staff need ministry.

Some of the best ministry moments have been riding out to the cemetery with funeral directors and staff. While the slow procession is in motion, and I would rather be reviewing my notes in preparation for the committal service, it’s at that time the directors or staff seem to want to open up to me about what’s going on in their lives and to see if I have any words of help. I know it seems strange, but if we approach the whole funeral service event as a rich field to work in for Jesus, even a funeral coach becomes a counseling room for those needing spiritual guidance.

I make it a standard practice to find the person or persons that seem to feel that they are serving in the least capacity, and I serve them.

Mark 10:44-45 (ESV)
And whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.

3. Format vs. Rubber Stamp

All pastors face the need to streamline reoccurring activities; however, we need to avoid the trap of using the same funeral service every time. The answer is to use a standard format that provides a familiar flow every time while allowing plenty of flexibility making every funeral service special and unique for every family served.

Here’s my standard outline when serving those without a pastor or home church. Note the flow.

1. Opening song (if requested by family)
2. Opening words—this is my first address to those attending the service.
   • Reference opening song (if a song is used)
     • I’ve learned to go with what the family wants. I have had some pretty interesting songs used as an opener. However, I have also learned that when I demonstrate respect for their requests, they become better listeners when it’s my turn to speak of Christ and His love.
   • Open with a poem selected by the family for the funeral service bulletin.
   • Open with a Scripture passage, if requested by family.
   • Always thank those attending the service on behalf of the family.
   • Transition toward opening prayer.
3. Opening prayer
4. Read the obituary as it appeared in the paper.
5. Family sharing
   • If family members or special friends want to speak, here is where I insert them.
   • Read the notes provided by the family if they feel they can’t speak. This is a great way to let their voice be heard as you read their words.
6. Open the floor for guests to speak. I always get the family’s permission for this. Some tell me they don’t want others speaking, many welcome it.
   • Opening the floor can be a little risky. I have had some interesting and nervous moments as grief-speak (my word) flows out of the hurting. Even so, we can’t control what is said. Just know weird things can happen and be okay with it.
7. Pastoral words of comfort
   • Here’s where I typically speak directly to those in attendance using what I have learned about the deceased while including the Gospel and other relevant Scriptures.
     • If the deceased was unchurched, I am careful not to preach a message. Typically most of the family and friends will be unchurched as well. However, I have learned to share the Gospel in a way that appeals to their hearts while testifying of the love of God expressed in the Savior, Jesus Christ. I’m always amazed at how powerful it is to quote John 3:16-17 while looking directly in the eyes of those gathered before me. This is where it is good to have a few “go to” verses ready to be quoted by memory. Nothing communicates like eye contact, so intentionally have a few places set in the entire service where you are ready to for eye contact and can leave your notes for a moment or two.
     • There’s much to detail here, but my encouragement to you is learn to tell the Gospel in such a compelling way without condemnation so that the love of God is on display.
       • Romans 2:4 in the NLT says, “Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?”
8. Closing remarks
   • If you feel there is more to say, say it as you work toward a single closing statement. Many times here is where the inspiration of the Holy Spirit moves me to say things in the moment that I could not have planned for. If the Holy Spirit isn’t giving clear direction, I move toward the closing prayer and trust that is what the Holy Spirit was leading me to do.
9. Closing prayer
   • If there will be a procession to a cemetery, include it in the closing prayer by asking for protection for the procession. I have had some close calls as oncoming traffic doesn’t always yield to the procession.
10. Closing song (if the family selects one).
11. Committal service—following the funeral service and usually at the grave site or a mausoleum.

If there are military rites given, serve the military rites team by letting them go first (this respect has created a really close relationship between our local teams and myself).

FYI: When the flag approaches, stand at attention and cover your heart. When TAPS is being played, stand at attention and cover your heart (non-military don’t salute). A good cue is to watch what the military rites team members are doing and follow their lead.

Sometimes I like to read the lyrics to TAPS out at the grave, especially if the military rites team can’t be present for some reason. Also, it makes for a great closing statement before the closing prayer. Here are the lyrics I use:

Day is done, gone the sun
From the lakes, from the hills, from the sky
All is well, safely rest
God is nigh.

Fading light dims the sight
And a star gems the sky, gleaming bright
From afar, drawing near
Falls the night.

Thanks and praise for our days
Neath the sun, neath the stars, neath the sky
As we go, this we know
God is nigh.

Committal services feel different—they should be very dignified and reverent. Typically, they should be about the minister concluding the duty the Lord has given to oversee the returning of a human body to the ground from which all our bodies were formed while trusting the spirit and soul to the Lord. I have five main components:

1. Opening scripture or poem.
2. A statement of purpose: “The Lord has given us a duty today. That duty is to lay to rest the earthly body of _________.”
3. The inclusion of appropriate Scripture.
4. A prayer committing the body of the deceased to the earth as we trust the person’s soul and spirit unto the Lord. Sadly, we know if there is no salvation, there is no Heaven. When there is no clear testimony of faith in Jesus, I leave that up to the Lord by saying, “as we trust their soul and spirit unto the Lord.”
5. When closing, I like to lead in the Lord’s prayer by inviting all to pray it with me either out loud or silently in their heart. What a blessing this practice has been. Make sure you tell them which version you are praying (e.g. debts vs. trespass).

4. Familiarize Don’t Memorize

It takes a lot of time for me to memorize a message, so I don’t. My brain doesn’t work that way. But, when I work to familiarize my heart and mind with what I took the time to write out, I find that I am well prepared as a speaker to be used of the Lord by His Spirit.

Learn to balance some reading with speaking from the heart while making eye contact. Throughout the service, have moments where you can leave your notes, look up, and make extended eye contact for a minute or two. Having those brief moments separated by parts of the service reading your notes is required and expected by the audience. For example, I know I am going to read the obituary. That is why it follows what I call “opening words” and “opening prayer.” Throughout the opening words and leading up to the opening prayer, I have familiarized the statements I felt the Holy Spirit wanted me to say while making a good connection with their hearts through careful eye contact. Looking up and looking into the eyes of the crowd is needed here, especially at the very beginning. It puts the crowd at ease, and it reassures them that this service is going to be both personal and professional as their loved one is being remembered.

Develop a good repertoire of Scriptures that relate in most funeral services. These become the “go-to” verses that seem to leap out of your heart as you minister to the bereaved.

5. The Four Do’s

1. Do meet with the family a few days before the service. Ministry to the family begins with that first meeting. Plus, you’ll get most of your information for the service at that time allowing you to go back to your busy schedule. I use the meeting rooms at the various funeral homes. The family is already acquainted with the location of the funeral home, and many times they have things to drop off, like pictures and clothing. So attempt to work with their schedule. To do this well, plan on the meeting taking about an hour. Hand out your business card, making it clear they can call on you leading up to the service as well as long after the day of the service has passed. Pastors are in for the long haul when it comes to working with our communities.
2. Show up to the funeral home an hour before the service. This is my best time for final prep as well as an opportunity to see the family making sure all is on track for the service the way you have planned it. The funeral directors I work with really appreciate this practice.
3. Do treat the funeral director as someone you are serving. They need ministers they can count on and who demonstrate a high level of respect for their work with the bereaved. Learn their ways and learn their needs. It will minister to them in great ways. This is why I have so many funeral directors with my number on their speed-dial.
4. Do treat every funeral service as the most important service—it shows.

6. Funerals Take Time

At a minimum, it takes one hour meeting with the family, two hours typing out the service and getting a sense from the Holy Spirit the direction He wants the service to go, one hour before the service checking on the family and reading over my notes several times, 40 minutes for an average service, the time it takes to travel to the cemetery for the committal service, and 10 minutes for the committal service (my part). Add 15 minutes if there is a military rites team involved. That’s around five hours of time well spent every time a funeral director calls and asks, “Can you help me with a family that does not have a home church or a pastor?”

Sample Funeral, Graveside and Committal Services
by Pastor Mike Cameneti

GRAVESIDE SERVICE

Today we are gathered together for the graveside service for ____________________.  On behalf of the family, I would like to thank all of you for coming today.

Open with prayer:

Death reminds us:

1. A Painful Reminder
Death reminds us that we live in a fallen, imperfect world… we are reminded of mankind’s failings, flaws, and limitations.  Anytime we stand at the graveside, we are reminded of the shadow that has been cast over humanity because of Adam’s sin.  Paul said in Romans 5:12, that “through one man sin entered the world, and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men…”

The universal nature of mankind’s problem is further expressed in Romans 8 where Paul refers to:

*the sufferings of this present time (vs.18)
*the whole creation being subject to futility (vs. 20)
*creation itself being under the bondage of corruption (vs. 21)
*how that the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs
together until now (vs. 22)

But, death doesn’t merely remind us of the universal nature of mankind’s problems.  God did not leave us in the valley or under the shadow.

When we know God and the truth of His Scripture, death also brings us…

2.  A Precious Realization

We realize that God has a solution… something greater than the painful reminder.

We read earlier that death came into the world through the sin of one man, but that’s far from the entire picture.

Romans 5:15,17-19
15 But the free gift is not like the offense. For if by the one man’s offense many died, much more the grace of God and the gift by the grace of the one Man, Jesus Christ, abounded to many.
17 For if by the one man’s offense death reigned through the one, much more those who receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ.
18 …through one Man’s righteous act the free gift came to all men, resulting in justification of life. 19 For as by one man’s disobedience many were made sinners, so also by one Man’s obedience many will be made righteous.

We have a precious realization today: that God has acted on our behalf and provided for us a greater answer to our need.  This precious realization is why the Psalmist said, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil” (Psalm 23:4).

Our realization, and indeed, our proclamation today, is that:
Life has triumphed over death!
Mercy and grace have triumphed over sin!
Justification has triumphed over condemnation!

We have a precious realization today, and that leads us to…

3.  A Promised Resurrection

There is a period of time when we are, as the Bible describes, “absent from the body” and “present with the Lord.”

But one of the most clearly taught doctrines of Scripture is that of the resurrection.

Paul said, “For our citizenship is in heaven, from which we also eagerly wait for the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body that it may be conformed to His glorious body…” (Philippians 3:20-21)

1 Corinthians 15:51-54
51 Behold, I tell you a mystery: We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed– 52 in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. 53 For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality. 54 So when this corruptible has put on incorruption, and this mortal has put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written: “Death is swallowed up in victory.” 

Charles Spurgeon said, “When we shall rise again, we shall be freed from all corruption; no evil tendencies shall remain in us.  ‘Without spot or wrinkle or any such thing,’ without even the shadow of a spot which the eye of Omniscience could discover, we shall be as pure as Adam before his fall, as holy as the Immaculate manhood when it first came from the divine hand.  We shall be better than Adam, for Adam might sin, but we shall be so established in goodness, in truth, and in righteousness, that we shall not even be tempted again, much less shall we have any fear of falling.  We shall stand spotless and faultless at the last great day.  Brethren, lift up your heads.”
Because of the resurrection, we also have the hope of…

4.  A Perpetual Reunion

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18

13 “But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. 14 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus. 15 For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who are asleep. 16 For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. 17 Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord. 18 Therefore comfort one another with these words.”

Notice how beautiful and how powerful those words are: “thus WE shall always be with the Lord.”

There will be no isolation in heaven… we will not be separated from each other.  Heaven, for us, will be a place of perpetual reunion.

FUNERAL SERVICE

My name is _____________________ from _______________ Church.

On behalf of the family, I would like to thank all of you for coming out today.

I’m honored to stand before you to conduct this service.

When someone we love dies unexpectedly, there is a tremendous amount of shock.

When a (husband/wife), (a father/mother), (a brother/sister), (a friend) is suddenly no longer with us, it can trigger very strong reactions, emotions, and questions.

We are here today as the people of God to find comfort in the truth of Scripture, and especially to surround ____________ with our love, our faith, and our prayers.

If I could summarize the purpose of this service, I believe I could do it in these few words:

The Hurt
The Help
The Hope

The great Apostle Paul said in I Corinthians 5:8, “To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.”

Today, we know ____________ is present with the Lord.
When the wife of the great evangelist Charles Finney died, he grieved deeply.  Here are his words describing the experience:

My wife was gone!  I should never hear her speak again nor see her face!  Her children were motherless!  What should I do?  My brain seemed to reel, as if my mind would swing from its pivot.  I rose instantly from my bed exclaiming, “I shall be deranged if I cannot rest in God!”  The Lord soon calmed my mind for that night, but still, at times, seasons of sorrow would come over me that were almost overwhelming.

One day I was upon my knees, fellowshipping with God upon the subject, and all at once He seemed to say to me, “You loved your wife?”  “Yes,” I said. “Well, did you love her for her own sake or for your sake? Did you love her or yourself?  If you loved her for her own sake, why do you sorrow that she is with me?  Should not her happiness with me make you rejoice instead of mourn if you loved her for her own sake?”

“Did you love her,” He seemed to say to me, “for my sake?  If you loved her for my sake, surely you would not grieve that she is with me.  Why do you think of your loss, and lay so much stress up that, instead of thinking of her gain?  Can you be sorrowful when she is so joyful and happy?  If you loved her for her own sake, would you not rejoice in her joy and be happy in her happiness?”

I can never describe the feelings that came over me when I seemed to be thus addressed.  It produced an instantaneous change in the whole state of my mind.

From that moment, sorrow, on account of my loss, was gone forever.  I no longer thought of my wife as dead, but as alive, and in the midst of the glories of heaven.
(Memoirs of Charles G. Finney, p. 382)

The reason I like this story is that it vividly portrays all three of these elements:  the hurt, the help, and the hope. 

1. The Hurt

Hebrews 4:15-16 says, “For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (NKJV)

Jesus suffered in every way we could ever suffer, and He also is sympathetic with our weakness.

No matter how eloquent the words that are spoken today…

No matter how beautiful the music is…

No matter how kind friends are in their expressions of care and concern…

There is still a very genuine and valid sense of sorrow and loss that is experienced when a loved one is no longer with us.

Even when a person has faith, and this family does, there is still a sadness that exists because someone we love is no longer with us – we are no longer able to enjoy their company, their friendship, and their fellowship.

We see, within the pages of the Bible, a compassionate God who is touched with the feelings of our infirmities.

“Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4)

Jesus Himself faced great heartache when His own cousin, John the Baptist, was taken from this earth in the prime of his life.  When Jesus heard of John’s death, the Bible says:

“When Jesus heard what had happened, he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place.” (Matt. 14:13, NIV)

I believe that Jesus was deeply saddened by this news, and he desired some solitude in which I’m sure he was drawing comfort from His Heavenly Father.

Many times people will hear a story, like the one I read about Charles Finney, and they get the impression that God’s direction to anyone who is grieving is just to “snap out of it” and quit grieving.

But if you listened carefully to the wording, it is evident that there was a season of time involved before the Lord spoke to Finney in the way that he did, and it was then that Finney’s emotions were changed.

Just like there is a healing and recovery process that involves time when our body is wounded or injured, so there is a period of time when we suffer loss.

This is why the writer of Ecclesiastes said:

“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven…A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.”

The reason we have the ability to grieve is because we have the ability to give and receive love.

1. The Help

In John 14:18, Jesus said, “I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.”

Comfortless means “orphans – one without help.”

It has been said that God never sees His children die; He only sees them come home.

The Word of God is so very clear, that we as believers have received the Holy Spirit; who is our Helper and our comforter in every difficult place of life (John 14:16-18).

Psalm 46 tells us:

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in time of trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea.  Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof.  There is a river, the streams whereof make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles of the most high.  God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early.”

I Thessalonians 4:13-18

(13) “But we do not want you to be uniformed, brethren, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve, as the rest who have no hope.

(14)  For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep in Jesus.

(15) For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive, and remain until the coming of the Lord, shall not precede those who have fallen asleep. 

(16) For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trumpet of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first. 

(17) Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and thus we shall always be with the Lord.

(18) Therefore comfort one another with these words.”

   
BENEDICTION

Hebrews 13-20,21

(20)  “May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep.”

(21)   “Equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever.”  Amen.

COMMITTAL SERVICE

Revelation 1:17-18
17 “ … Fear not; I am the first and the last:
18  I am he that liveth, and was dead; and, behold, I am alive for evermore …”

John 14:19  “Because I live, You shall live also.”

Revelation 14:13, “Blessed are the dead which die in the Lord from henceforth: Yea, saith the Spirit, that they may rest from their labours; and their works do follow them.”

I Corinthians 15:51-55
 “Behold, I show you a mystery: We shall not all sleep; but we shall all be changed,

In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet.  For the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed.

For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality.

So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written: DEATH IS SWALLOWED UP IN VICTORY.

O death where is thy sting?  O grave, where is thy victory?”

________________is not here.  He/She stands in the presence of the Lord, the same Jesus who said to the dying man on a cross “…TODAY YOU SHALL BE WITH ME IN PARADISE.”
The body that lies before us is but the earthly tabernacle, the house in which __________________ lived among us for a time.  Tenderly and reverently, we commit that house to the grave,to God who gave it, waiting for the day when both the spirit and the body shall again be united at the coming of the Lord.

I Thessalonians 4:16-18
16  “For the Lord Himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first.”
17  “Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.”
18  “Wherefore comfort one another with these words.”
                                             

COMMITTAL PRAYER

Heavenly Father, we thank You this day for Your precious, eternal, and unchanging Word.  We thank You that You are, to us, the Rock of Ages and the great I AM.

In the midst of our natural sorrow, we thank You for Your supernatural comfort and grace.

In the face of death, we thank You for Your gift of eternal life.

In the face of separation, we thank You for the eternal reunion we so eagerly anticipate.

We thank You for ________________’s life here on this earth, and we recognize that the body that lies before us is not  ________________, but rather the house in which he /she lived.  We acknowledge that __________________ is rejoicing, even now, in Your very presence, enjoying the blessings of Heaven.

Father, we commit his/her body to the earth, from which our bodies were originally created, and we rejoice in the fact that his/her spirit is even now with You, the Father of spirits.

We anticipate the day when spirit and body shall be united again at the coming of the Lord, and we find great comfort in knowing that we shall forever be together with the Lord.

We thank You Father, that in the days, weeks, and months to come, these realities and the abiding presence of Your Spirit will especially strengthen, sustain, and comfort ______________’s friends and family.

IN JESUS’ NAME, AMEN.

by Pastor John White

FUNERAL SERVICE FOR
NORMAN ROLAND
March 12, 2004
Cullman Alabama

Gen. 5:5 And all the days that Adam lived were 930 years and he died.
8. And all the days of Seth were 912 yrs. And he died.
11. And all the days of Enos were 905 yrs. And  he died.
14. And all the days of Cainan were 910 yrs. And he died
17. And all the days of Mahalaleel 895 yrs. And he died.
27. And all the days of Methuselah were 969 yrs. And he died.
31. And all the days of Lamech were 777 yrs. And he died.

Intro: All these men lived long lives on this earth but the most common trait they had was “and they died”. No matter how long you live unless Jesus returns soon for his church you too will die.
I Cor. 15: 19 says if in this life only we had hope we would be of all men most miserable.

I. The Fear of Death Has Been Conquered.
A. Heb. 4:14-15
B. I Cor. 15:20-26

II. What Happens To Those Who Die.

A. Saints
1. Lk. 16:22 says that they are carried by the Angels to a place called Abraham’s bosom or better known as paradise. There with the Lord they await the gathering of the Church.
2. II Cor. 5:10 They also appear before the Judgement Seat of Christ to be judged for their works.

B. Unbelievers
1. Lk. 16:23, Go directly to Hell
2. Great White Throne Judgement
Rev. 20:12-15

Conclusion: Rom. 10:9-10, Give invitation

Doug Foutty and his wife, Laura, founded Faith Fellowship Church in Parkersburg, West Virginia in January of 2003.  They are the parents of three children.

This may seem like a strange title to the ministers who have not been in this situation before. In November of 2006 my dad became increasingly sick. He had seen enough doctors to know that something serious was wrong. It turned out to be a cancerous brain tumor the size of a grapefruit pressing on his brain. He had it removed but he was still given a limited amount of time to live. He began to get his affairs in order. That is when one of many, many things hit me. Did I want to preach his funeral? Could I preach his funeral, even if I wanted to do it? I knew one thing; I would be a pall bearer. I would carry his body on its last march.

Things got much worse over the next few months with dad’s health. We were in a two week frame of mind in April. Dad was 78 and a he was Christian. In those last 2 weeks of his life I really decided that I WANTED to speak at his funeral. I would subtly mention it to different family members. I was speaking it in faith because my mind was screaming—NO!

My parents didn’t attend my church. They attended the church close to their home. It is the church that I was brought up in and has been their home church since 1970. So, I also knew that his pastor would be speaking since the funeral would be held in his church. I hoped that dad’s pastor would understand what I wanted to do. I can’t say that he was thrilled with my decision. I was going to be polite and respectful to him, but also do my best to get him to understand my reasons for wanting to do this. It is a denominational church that this man pastored and they weren’t much for allowing anyone behind their pulpit that hadn’t been approved.

Dad went to be with Jesus in mid April 2007. The day for the funeral finally came. Even that day, moments before the service was to start, the other pastor asked if I still planned on saying a few words. I only include this part of the story because this is to help ministers. You don’t always know what you might encounter. You might not expect another minister to be uncomfortable with you in their church. I really like this man and he really liked my dad. It was just uncomfortable for him trying to keep the rules that he felt his denomination would want kept and not offending the son of the man that just passed away.

I was very pleased with how dad’s pastor started the service and with the humorous story that he recounted. He honored my father and he celebrated his life. There it is. Did you catch it? That was my whole endeavor. I wanted to celebrate dad’s life. I did not want a sad and dreary funeral. The place was packed and there was an overflow room. Dad would not have wanted all of these friends and family members of his gathered together to be put through a gut-wrenching message of grief and sorrow.

So this is what I did. I told funny stories. I told touching stories that showed the Jesus in him. I also told a story that I made up on the spot about what I suspected he was up to right now in heaven. As a minister, as his son, as a boy who had just lost his father, these were the kinds of stories I could tell and not break down. These were the kinds of stories I could tell and know that my mom would laugh and get some relief from the grief.  These were the kinds of stories that I could tell and look back the rest of my life and say—“Doug, you celebrated your dad’s life.” These were the kinds of stories that brought me JOY to tell them. Dad would have liked it.

I told of the familiar story about not giving your father credit for what he knew until your experience caught up and you found out that he really did know a lot. It went something like this. It was Christmas 1970 and I got my first REAL bicycle. I was 8 years old. That was back in the days when bikes needed assembled after you bought them. I was excited and dad seemed concerned. He got all of the tools out and carefully laid out the parts of the bicycle. During this ‘too long’ of an ordeal for an 8 year old, I heard the only curse word that he would ever utter in my presence in the 44 years that we had together on this Earth. He said it twice, the same phrase. I told the people at my dad’s funeral that I wasn’t sure if he said it twice because he wanted to make sure my bike heard him or because he wanted my bike to know he was serious. I don’t even know how my dad knew my bike was a boy, but it must have been. He called it a SON of something twice. I was embarrassed and disappointed at the same time. It was the Christmas season and dad was cussing my new bike. I didn’t think it was fair. That day came and went. I had that bike for several years. I had many wrecks on that bike. That bike threw me and slid out from under me and mistreated me on a regular basis. It wasn’t a very nice bike. One particular time that the handle bars came loose and I was picking myself up and was bruised and bleeding after a bad wreck I looked at the bike and said—DAD WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOU!

I told several stories that made the people laugh and made me laugh as I told them. The one that I made up as I went was about what I thought dad was doing in heaven right that minute. Dad was the type of man that knew everyone and knew all of their relatives. He prided himself in being able to talk about someone’s relatives with them.  He helped people with their family trees and was just a wealth of knowledge when it came to things like that. Also, everyone was well aware of this talent. He had even told me of people that were too closely related to be married and wouldn’t be if they knew what he did. So, the story I made up went something like this. I told them, I can just see dad right now. He’s talking to Eve. You know, as in Adam and Eve. He’s asking her where she’s from and who her mother and father were. I’m sure that Eve is trying to explain her situation to dad without offending him. She is saying—I WAS A RIB! Of course dad is saying, I knew some Ribs once. They lived in Ritchie County. I went to school with the oldest girl. Then Eve says. I wasn’t a Rib on my momma’s side of the family and I wasn’t a Rib on my daddy’s side. I WAS A RIB ON MY HUSBAND”S SIDE!!!

And with that, I sat down.

I had celebrated my father’s life. I had experienced JOY in preaching my father’s funeral. I recommend that if a minister faces this opportunity, take it. Think of the best way to celebrate your parent’s life and tell everyone about them. The laughter and smiles from the crowd will bless you and a merry heart truly works like a medicine in a time like that.

I hope this will help you choose to celebrate your parent’s life. No one can do it like their own child.

1.  Always write out your opening and closing prayers or statements.

2.  Live music interspersed in the service is very helpful.  Instrumentals, solos, even CDs will often help a lot and take some of the pressure off of the minister.  Keep them short, though.

3.  Having close relatives read passages like Psalm 91, Psalm 23, 1 Cor. 13, etc., work well.

4.  One close relative who is a good speaker should prepare and read an honoring biography.  If you knew the deceased well, you (the minister) can do this part.  However, it’s nice when a relative can tell warm stories about the deceased.

5.  The minister should deliver a brief message.  For Christians who have died, talk about heaven.  For those who may not have been saved, talk about grace or forgiveness.

6.  Closing with everyone saying the Lord’s Prayer works well.

7.  At the end, invite close friends and relatives to share remembrances briefly from the microphone.  I’ve conducted several services for homeless people.  At this point, I hold the microphone for the friend who is speaking, because I may need to take it back if they become inappropriate (I smile, hug them, and whisper in their ear, “Good job, let’s stop there”).  I’ve even asked the biggest friend to be my usher if needed, but I’ve never needed it.  A lot of times people drink heavily before a funeral so just be prepared, gracious, and firm.

8.  Some sort of reception afterwards is always appropriate.  Many funeral homes do not allow food.  So if you can do it at a church, that’s best.  The reception should be as close as possible; on-site is best.

9.  It’s amazing how uncomfortable people are before the service and how blessed they are afterwards.  Focus on God and people will be helped.

10.  Print out the scriptures that relatives will read in large font.  Bring several copies.

11.  Print out your order of service for all participants and or have it in the bulletin.

12.  Arrive very early, check mics, bring a case of small bottled waters, breath mints, and Kleenex.

13.  Wear a black suit and dark tie.

14.  Humor helps, but it’s best to let it come from the family and not from the minister.  Stay professional, gracious, and warm.

15.  Double check any facts about the deceased or the family.  I’ve been given printed material that was incorrect or had important typographical errors.

16.  Weddings should always start on time.  A funeral can start 5 minutes late if important people are still arriving.

17.  For funerals where many people speak a foreign language, it’s okay for the speakers to speak in their language.  We’ve done several funerals where I spoke in English, but the scriptures were read in Spanish or the remembrances from family members were in Spanish.  This worked fine.

18.  I do a lot of funerals for the unsaved and unchurched.  I talk to the close relatives and tell them about my convictions and ask for their permission to respectfully talk about heaven, mercy, and Jesus.  No one has said ‘no.’

19.  If the deceased ever served in the armed forces or for a police or fire department, officers will often participate in the funeral service and this can be very honoring to the family.  Military/National cemeteries are less expensive.