David Osborne and his wife, Lori, pastor the Burlington Church of Christ, an independent, community Christian church located in North Central Indiana. In addition to being a 1982 graduate of Rhema Bible Training Center, David holds a bachelor’s degree from Indiana University and a Master of Arts in Pastoral Counseling from Liberty University.

Proverbs 11:30 (ESV)
The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life, And he who is wise wins souls.

I stood in front of a crowd of people in a grief-filled room for a deceased man that I had never met and for his unchurched family that will most likely never come to my church. I asked myself once again: Am I doing the right thing offering my ministerial service and sacrificing personal time for the unchurched? The funeral service I am referring to was my third funeral for that week, and like the two before it, I did not know the deceased or any of their family members before being contacted by a local funeral director for help. The only connection I had with the crowd before me was that they needed a minister, and I was willing to help.

Throughout the service, I’d like to say that their many warm smiles confirmed that taking on one more funeral for the week was the right choice. But this particular crowd was almost expressionless, stoic even, only adding to my worry that the time and effort I had already spent on this service was a waste of valuable ministry time. However, at the conclusion of the service, confirmation came as many in attendance shared emotion-filled words that indicated that my time spent was not a loss, but possibly some of the best seed planting for the Gospel I had done in a while.

So why do I take on so many non-church family funerals even though there is both a personal cost and cost to my ministry to do them? It’s simple. I have learned over the years to treat every funeral opportunity as an extension of my pastoral work and not a conflict to it. The Apostle Paul once told his apprentice and partner in ministry, Timothy, to “be sober in all things, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry” (2 Tim. 4:5, KJV). For me, providing pastoral care and ministerial services for the deceased and their surviving family members has become some of the richest soil to plant the seeds of salvation into the hearts of non-Christian people while also shepherding the wandering sheep of Jesus back to the safety of following Him more closely. Once I made this change in my outlook concerning the calls I get almost weekly to perform funeral services for the unchurched and those without a pastor, I noticed a deep, spiritual change in the whole process I go through every time a funeral director calls me for help. I would like to share some of these helpful insights and practices with you.

1 Corinthians 15:58, NIV
Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

1. Just Showing Up Changes Everything

Some time ago, I was getting out my car to walk into the funeral home for a person I had never met. In that moment I thought, “Am I really going to make a difference today?” I was tired and overwhelmed with many other ministry tasks yet to perform that week. In the middle of the groan that came from my soul came the familiar voice of our Savior by His Spirit saying, “Your ‘showing up’ changes everything for them.” I knew in an instant that regardless of how well I conducted the service, which is a pressure I always feel, I had already provided the family with something they desperately needed: someone to minister to their pain. Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” This isn’t just a great Scripture to read at funerals, it’s what the Lord does through us as we “just show up.”

2. Every Person Counts

It’s easy to focus on the family members most affected by the death of a loved one. However, we are given a great opportunity to serve every person involved. From funeral director to grave services, from closest friends to the most distant relative, we represent Jesus and His love for each of them.

Not too many funerals ago, a family requested a bagpipe player to play as the casket was carried to the gravesite from the funeral coach. Following the committal service, the bagpiper approached me commenting on how moving the service was (I didn’t even know the bagpiper was in listening distance to the service).

There are many ways to bless the overlooked-grievers (my word) when a death occurs.

When a 92 year old man passed away, his dear friend that wintered close to him in Florida made the trip to Indiana in order to attend his friend’s service. I noticed before the service began that the friend from Florida was displaying heavy grief. Because he was not family, he took a backseat to their needs. At the grave site, as the pallbearers were making ready to carry the casket to the grave, I quickly asked the friend if he would like to lead the casket with me to its final resting place. It was a sweet walk with a dear, aging friend that needed to be included in the service and identified as someone who was deeply grieving. Needless to say, he thanked me, hugged me, and told me how honored he was to join me in that moment. Small things matter.

Funeral directors and staff need ministry.

Some of the best ministry moments have been riding out to the cemetery with funeral directors and staff. While the slow procession is in motion, and I would rather be reviewing my notes in preparation for the committal service, it’s at that time the directors or staff seem to want to open up to me about what’s going on in their lives and to see if I have any words of help. I know it seems strange, but if we approach the whole funeral service event as a rich field to work in for Jesus, even a funeral coach becomes a counseling room for those needing spiritual guidance.

I make it a standard practice to find the person or persons that seem to feel that they are serving in the least capacity, and I serve them.

Mark 10:44-45 (ESV)
And whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.

3. Format vs. Rubber Stamp

All pastors face the need to streamline reoccurring activities; however, we need to avoid the trap of using the same funeral service every time. The answer is to use a standard format that provides a familiar flow every time while allowing plenty of flexibility making every funeral service special and unique for every family served.

Here’s my standard outline when serving those without a pastor or home church. Note the flow.

1. Opening song (if requested by family)
2. Opening words—this is my first address to those attending the service.
   • Reference opening song (if a song is used)
     • I’ve learned to go with what the family wants. I have had some pretty interesting songs used as an opener. However, I have also learned that when I demonstrate respect for their requests, they become better listeners when it’s my turn to speak of Christ and His love.
   • Open with a poem selected by the family for the funeral service bulletin.
   • Open with a Scripture passage, if requested by family.
   • Always thank those attending the service on behalf of the family.
   • Transition toward opening prayer.
3. Opening prayer
4. Read the obituary as it appeared in the paper.
5. Family sharing
   • If family members or special friends want to speak, here is where I insert them.
   • Read the notes provided by the family if they feel they can’t speak. This is a great way to let their voice be heard as you read their words.
6. Open the floor for guests to speak. I always get the family’s permission for this. Some tell me they don’t want others speaking, many welcome it.
   • Opening the floor can be a little risky. I have had some interesting and nervous moments as grief-speak (my word) flows out of the hurting. Even so, we can’t control what is said. Just know weird things can happen and be okay with it.
7. Pastoral words of comfort
   • Here’s where I typically speak directly to those in attendance using what I have learned about the deceased while including the Gospel and other relevant Scriptures.
     • If the deceased was unchurched, I am careful not to preach a message. Typically most of the family and friends will be unchurched as well. However, I have learned to share the Gospel in a way that appeals to their hearts while testifying of the love of God expressed in the Savior, Jesus Christ. I’m always amazed at how powerful it is to quote John 3:16-17 while looking directly in the eyes of those gathered before me. This is where it is good to have a few “go to” verses ready to be quoted by memory. Nothing communicates like eye contact, so intentionally have a few places set in the entire service where you are ready to for eye contact and can leave your notes for a moment or two.
     • There’s much to detail here, but my encouragement to you is learn to tell the Gospel in such a compelling way without condemnation so that the love of God is on display.
       • Romans 2:4 in the NLT says, “Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?”
8. Closing remarks
   • If you feel there is more to say, say it as you work toward a single closing statement. Many times here is where the inspiration of the Holy Spirit moves me to say things in the moment that I could not have planned for. If the Holy Spirit isn’t giving clear direction, I move toward the closing prayer and trust that is what the Holy Spirit was leading me to do.
9. Closing prayer
   • If there will be a procession to a cemetery, include it in the closing prayer by asking for protection for the procession. I have had some close calls as oncoming traffic doesn’t always yield to the procession.
10. Closing song (if the family selects one).
11. Committal service—following the funeral service and usually at the grave site or a mausoleum.

If there are military rites given, serve the military rites team by letting them go first (this respect has created a really close relationship between our local teams and myself).

FYI: When the flag approaches, stand at attention and cover your heart. When TAPS is being played, stand at attention and cover your heart (non-military don’t salute). A good cue is to watch what the military rites team members are doing and follow their lead.

Sometimes I like to read the lyrics to TAPS out at the grave, especially if the military rites team can’t be present for some reason. Also, it makes for a great closing statement before the closing prayer. Here are the lyrics I use:

Day is done, gone the sun
From the lakes, from the hills, from the sky
All is well, safely rest
God is nigh.

Fading light dims the sight
And a star gems the sky, gleaming bright
From afar, drawing near
Falls the night.

Thanks and praise for our days
Neath the sun, neath the stars, neath the sky
As we go, this we know
God is nigh.

Committal services feel different—they should be very dignified and reverent. Typically, they should be about the minister concluding the duty the Lord has given to oversee the returning of a human body to the ground from which all our bodies were formed while trusting the spirit and soul to the Lord. I have five main components:

1. Opening scripture or poem.
2. A statement of purpose: “The Lord has given us a duty today. That duty is to lay to rest the earthly body of _________.”
3. The inclusion of appropriate Scripture.
4. A prayer committing the body of the deceased to the earth as we trust the person’s soul and spirit unto the Lord. Sadly, we know if there is no salvation, there is no Heaven. When there is no clear testimony of faith in Jesus, I leave that up to the Lord by saying, “as we trust their soul and spirit unto the Lord.”
5. When closing, I like to lead in the Lord’s prayer by inviting all to pray it with me either out loud or silently in their heart. What a blessing this practice has been. Make sure you tell them which version you are praying (e.g. debts vs. trespass).

4. Familiarize Don’t Memorize

It takes a lot of time for me to memorize a message, so I don’t. My brain doesn’t work that way. But, when I work to familiarize my heart and mind with what I took the time to write out, I find that I am well prepared as a speaker to be used of the Lord by His Spirit.

Learn to balance some reading with speaking from the heart while making eye contact. Throughout the service, have moments where you can leave your notes, look up, and make extended eye contact for a minute or two. Having those brief moments separated by parts of the service reading your notes is required and expected by the audience. For example, I know I am going to read the obituary. That is why it follows what I call “opening words” and “opening prayer.” Throughout the opening words and leading up to the opening prayer, I have familiarized the statements I felt the Holy Spirit wanted me to say while making a good connection with their hearts through careful eye contact. Looking up and looking into the eyes of the crowd is needed here, especially at the very beginning. It puts the crowd at ease, and it reassures them that this service is going to be both personal and professional as their loved one is being remembered.

Develop a good repertoire of Scriptures that relate in most funeral services. These become the “go-to” verses that seem to leap out of your heart as you minister to the bereaved.

5. The Four Do’s

1. Do meet with the family a few days before the service. Ministry to the family begins with that first meeting. Plus, you’ll get most of your information for the service at that time allowing you to go back to your busy schedule. I use the meeting rooms at the various funeral homes. The family is already acquainted with the location of the funeral home, and many times they have things to drop off, like pictures and clothing. So attempt to work with their schedule. To do this well, plan on the meeting taking about an hour. Hand out your business card, making it clear they can call on you leading up to the service as well as long after the day of the service has passed. Pastors are in for the long haul when it comes to working with our communities.
2. Show up to the funeral home an hour before the service. This is my best time for final prep as well as an opportunity to see the family making sure all is on track for the service the way you have planned it. The funeral directors I work with really appreciate this practice.
3. Do treat the funeral director as someone you are serving. They need ministers they can count on and who demonstrate a high level of respect for their work with the bereaved. Learn their ways and learn their needs. It will minister to them in great ways. This is why I have so many funeral directors with my number on their speed-dial.
4. Do treat every funeral service as the most important service—it shows.

6. Funerals Take Time

At a minimum, it takes one hour meeting with the family, two hours typing out the service and getting a sense from the Holy Spirit the direction He wants the service to go, one hour before the service checking on the family and reading over my notes several times, 40 minutes for an average service, the time it takes to travel to the cemetery for the committal service, and 10 minutes for the committal service (my part). Add 15 minutes if there is a military rites team involved. That’s around five hours of time well spent every time a funeral director calls and asks, “Can you help me with a family that does not have a home church or a pastor?”

Sample Funeral Message for a Minister
and Soul-Winner Pastor Kenneth Hagin, Jr.

We have come here this day for a number of reasons…

1. We are here today to pay our tribute and our respect to a man of God, our brother, ______________________________. Not only have people from this congregation and community gathered, but many ministers have come… ministers who have respected _______________________ as a minister, and have loved him as a friend.  To know _______________________ was to love him!

2. We are here today to show our love and support for ______________________’s very precious family.  Not only have we sensed our own personal feelings of loss over __________________’s passing, but our hearts have been drawn toward them, and will continue to be with them.

3. Finally, we are here today to seek and to receive comfort.  We would be less than honest if we said that our hearts have not ached over this situation.  We are not too proud to acknowledge that we have come here today trusting that God would minister to our hearts, and give us strength as we continue in our walk with Him.

It is our human nature to want to understand everything now, but TRUST requires that we lean and rely heavily on God even when things seem unclear.

Proverbs 3:5

5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

Philippians 4:7

7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

I’m not going to tell you not to cry or not to experience emotions.  Emotions are God-given.  They are a part of who we are.

Jesus Himself said, “Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4)

Tears are the safety-valve that God built into us to help us at times like these.  It’s OK to cry.

I’m not going to tell you today that you’ll never have questions come to you.  But I will tell you this:  There is something wonderful that you can focus on.  Choose to focus on the things you know… things the Word of God declares.

We declare with Job… Job 19:25

25 For I know that my redeemer liveth, and that he shall stand at the latter day upon the earth.

We declare with Jesus… John 14:2-3

2 In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.

We declare with Paul…2 Corinthians 5:6-8

6 …We are always confident, knowing that, while we are at home in the body, we are absent from the Lord: 7(For we walk by faith, not by sight:) 8 We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord.

Philippians 1:21, 23

21 For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

23 For I am in a strait betwixt two, having a desire to depart, and to be with Christ; which is far better…

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18

13 But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope.

14 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him.

15 For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep.

16 For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first:

17 Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.

18 Wherefore comfort one another with these words. 

We are going to move beyond the tears.  We are going to move beyond our questions… because the Holy Spirit is here today to comfort and strengthen each and every heart!  And he will continue to be with us as we continue to live for God.

An individual made the following statement: “The measure of a life is not in its duration but in its donation.”

When we think of ____________________’s donation… what he contributed… what he invested… we have much to be thankful for!!!

• Consider the investments of love and devotion that he made in his marriage with _________________.
• Consider the investments of godliness and nurturing that ______________________ made with into the lives of his children and grandchildren.
• Consider the investments of the Word of God that _______________________ made into the lives of so many people… not only members of this church, but all of the people, including ministers, that he poured his life into.

Let me say again that “The measure of a life is not in its duration but in its donation!”

Later this day, when all the words have been spoken, when all the songs have been sung, we will stand at the graveside and commit the body of our friend, _______________________________ to the keeping of this earth until the coming of the Lord, and we will commit his soul into the loving hands of the God he served… bringing an end to the final chapter of his earthly life.

But it will not be the end of his story, because the memory of his life and the influence of his life remains.

Because _____________________ committed his life to God and the work of God, He was energized by a power greater than this natural world understands.

We all knew _______________________ as a great friend and a wonderful pastor, but one of the things that caused me to so highly respect _____________________ was his great love for souls.  In this sense, ____________________ was a real hero to me – he did have, and continues to have my highest respect.

_________________________’s life reminds me of a preacher that was on the Titanic…

There were a lot of notable, wealthy people on the Titanic in 1912.  But the most notable passenger on the Titanic was someone that most of the world has never heard of before.

He was a man by the name of John Harper.  He was a plain, ordinary Pastor from the city of Glasgow, Scotland.  He had faithfully shepherded his congregation for 15 years.  He was a fairly young minister, only 40 years old.

Moody Memorial Church in Chicago had invited him to come and preach a series of sermons. So he had accepted the invitation and had booked himself on the maiden voyage of the Titanic. As he boarded the ship he thought, “I will have plenty of time to prepare my sermons for this preaching series.”

But Pastor John had a bit of a problem staying in his room and studying because he had such a heart for people. It is told that the night before the Titanic sunk that John Harper was on the deck earnestly pleading and begging people to come to Christ.

He had given his life day-in and day-out to see people get into the spiritual lifeboat.  And that night when the ship struck the iceburg, he was awakened, he got up, and started making his way to the lifeboat, and he realized there wasn’t enough room for everyone.

So he started going from deck to deck crying out – “Women and children and the unsaved to the lifeboats.” He said, “Let’s get the non-Christians in first.” Now as he was doing this you could imagine the panic. Pastor John was one of those who eventually ended up in the freezing waters. He hung on to a wooden piece of debris floating in the water.

Some of the passengers because of the swirling currents of the sinking ship were being brought close to one another and then flung back apart. One of the men was brought into close proximity with John Harper, and John cried out, “Sir, are you a Christian?” And the man answered simply, “no.” And the current took him away into the darkness. A few minutes later by God’s providence that same man was brought back into John Harper’s sight, and John asked him again, “Sir, are you saved yet – have you accepted Christ?” And the man said, “No, I can’t honestly say that I am.”

Apparently that was the last thing John Harper ever said on this earth. He lost his grip on the piece of debris, sunk down into the Atlantic Ocean, and died.

The man that John Harper was pleading with to become a Christian was one of the very few who was plucked out of the icy waters by one of the ships that rushed to the scene. He testified that he did accept Christ that very night, and he settled in Hamilton in Ontario, Canada. He was often asked to speak and give his testimony and he would proudly step up and say, “I’m John Harper’s last convert.”

When I think of _____________________, I think of the verse in Revelation that says:

13 Then I heard a voice from heaven saying to me, “Write: ‘Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on.'” “Yes,” says the Spirit,” that they may rest from their labors, and their works follow them.”  (Revelation 14:13)

I have no doubt that _______________________ has already met people in heaven who have thanked him for leading them to the Lord.  I have no doubt that others in the future will come up to him in heaven and express their gratitude for him having led them to the Lord.

His work on this earth was of eternal value, and because of that, he will have eternal reward.

This Memorial Service is not really for _______________________.  He is in Heaven.  This is a time for us who are yet on this earth.

He’s reached the ultimate destination of the universe.

We say that he has “departed,” but God says that he has “arrived.”

God sees things from such a different perspective than we do.  God never sees His children die.  He simply sees them coming home.

The real questions we face today don’t really pertain to _______________________.  He has arrived.

The real questions today have to do with us.

• What are we going to do?

• What are we going to focus on?

Dwight L. Moody, the great Evangelist, may have one day lived amidst question marks, but he discovered the glorious secret of complete trust in God.  His last days were wonderfully spent amongst exclamation points!

Dwight L. Moody said, “Someday you will read in the papers that D.L. Moody of Northfield is dead.  Don’t you believe a word of it.  At that moment I shall be more alive than I am now.  I shall have gone higher, that is all — out of this old clay tenement into a house that is immortal, a body that sin cannot touch, that sin cannot taint, a body fashioned into His glorious body.  I was born in the flesh in 1837; I was born of the Spirit in 1856.  That which is born of the flesh may die; that which is born of the Spirit will live forever.”                                                             

A few hours before entering the ‘Homeland,’ Dwight L. Moody caught a glimpse of the glory awaiting him.  Awakening from sleep, he said “Earth recedes.  Heaven opens before me.  If this is death, it is sweet!  There is no valley here.  God is calling me, and I must go.”

His son was standing by his bedside and said, “No, no, father, you are dreaming.”

“No,” said Mr. Moody, “I am not dreaming.  I have been within the gates.  I have seen the children’s faces.”

A short time elapsed…and he spoke again, “This is my triumph; this is my coronation day!  It is glorious!”

Contrary to what we would have liked, our pastor and our friend has taken an earlier flight, but we still share a common destination.

His race ended earlier than we anticipated, but we still have our race to run, and David would not have it any other way than that we give our very best for the Kingdom of God.

I will deeply miss my friend, _______________________.  But I rejoice this day that he is with my Savior, Jesus.  And in honor of my friend, I say…

Ring out the welcome.

Swing wide the gates.

Choirs of angels stand and sing, “Amazing Grace.”

There’s one more soldier of the King.

Whose trials are past.

Ring out the welcome loud and clear –

He’s home at last.

Sample Funeral, Graveside and Committal Services
by Pastor Mike Cameneti

GRAVESIDE SERVICE

Today we are gathered together for the graveside service for ____________________.  On behalf of the family, I would like to thank all of you for coming today.

Open with prayer:

Death reminds us:

1. A Painful Reminder
Death reminds us that we live in a fallen, imperfect world… we are reminded of mankind’s failings, flaws, and limitations.  Anytime we stand at the graveside, we are reminded of the shadow that has been cast over humanity because of Adam’s sin.  Paul said in Romans 5:12, that “through one man sin entered the world, and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men…”

The universal nature of mankind’s problem is further expressed in Romans 8 where Paul refers to:

*the sufferings of this present time (vs.18)
*the whole creation being subject to futility (vs. 20)
*creation itself being under the bondage of corruption (vs. 21)
*how that the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs
together until now (vs. 22)

But, death doesn’t merely remind us of the universal nature of mankind’s problems.  God did not leave us in the valley or under the shadow.

When we know God and the truth of His Scripture, death also brings us…

2.  A Precious Realization

We realize that God has a solution… something greater than the painful reminder.

We read earlier that death came into the world through the sin of one man, but that’s far from the entire picture.

Romans 5:15,17-19
15 But the free gift is not like the offense. For if by the one man’s offense many died, much more the grace of God and the gift by the grace of the one Man, Jesus Christ, abounded to many.
17 For if by the one man’s offense death reigned through the one, much more those who receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ.
18 …through one Man’s righteous act the free gift came to all men, resulting in justification of life. 19 For as by one man’s disobedience many were made sinners, so also by one Man’s obedience many will be made righteous.

We have a precious realization today: that God has acted on our behalf and provided for us a greater answer to our need.  This precious realization is why the Psalmist said, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil” (Psalm 23:4).

Our realization, and indeed, our proclamation today, is that:
Life has triumphed over death!
Mercy and grace have triumphed over sin!
Justification has triumphed over condemnation!

We have a precious realization today, and that leads us to…

3.  A Promised Resurrection

There is a period of time when we are, as the Bible describes, “absent from the body” and “present with the Lord.”

But one of the most clearly taught doctrines of Scripture is that of the resurrection.

Paul said, “For our citizenship is in heaven, from which we also eagerly wait for the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body that it may be conformed to His glorious body…” (Philippians 3:20-21)

1 Corinthians 15:51-54
51 Behold, I tell you a mystery: We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed– 52 in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. 53 For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality. 54 So when this corruptible has put on incorruption, and this mortal has put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written: “Death is swallowed up in victory.” 

Charles Spurgeon said, “When we shall rise again, we shall be freed from all corruption; no evil tendencies shall remain in us.  ‘Without spot or wrinkle or any such thing,’ without even the shadow of a spot which the eye of Omniscience could discover, we shall be as pure as Adam before his fall, as holy as the Immaculate manhood when it first came from the divine hand.  We shall be better than Adam, for Adam might sin, but we shall be so established in goodness, in truth, and in righteousness, that we shall not even be tempted again, much less shall we have any fear of falling.  We shall stand spotless and faultless at the last great day.  Brethren, lift up your heads.”
Because of the resurrection, we also have the hope of…

4.  A Perpetual Reunion

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18

13 “But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. 14 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus. 15 For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who are asleep. 16 For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. 17 Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord. 18 Therefore comfort one another with these words.”

Notice how beautiful and how powerful those words are: “thus WE shall always be with the Lord.”

There will be no isolation in heaven… we will not be separated from each other.  Heaven, for us, will be a place of perpetual reunion.

FUNERAL SERVICE

My name is _____________________ from _______________ Church.

On behalf of the family, I would like to thank all of you for coming out today.

I’m honored to stand before you to conduct this service.

When someone we love dies unexpectedly, there is a tremendous amount of shock.

When a (husband/wife), (a father/mother), (a brother/sister), (a friend) is suddenly no longer with us, it can trigger very strong reactions, emotions, and questions.

We are here today as the people of God to find comfort in the truth of Scripture, and especially to surround ____________ with our love, our faith, and our prayers.

If I could summarize the purpose of this service, I believe I could do it in these few words:

The Hurt
The Help
The Hope

The great Apostle Paul said in I Corinthians 5:8, “To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.”

Today, we know ____________ is present with the Lord.
When the wife of the great evangelist Charles Finney died, he grieved deeply.  Here are his words describing the experience:

My wife was gone!  I should never hear her speak again nor see her face!  Her children were motherless!  What should I do?  My brain seemed to reel, as if my mind would swing from its pivot.  I rose instantly from my bed exclaiming, “I shall be deranged if I cannot rest in God!”  The Lord soon calmed my mind for that night, but still, at times, seasons of sorrow would come over me that were almost overwhelming.

One day I was upon my knees, fellowshipping with God upon the subject, and all at once He seemed to say to me, “You loved your wife?”  “Yes,” I said. “Well, did you love her for her own sake or for your sake? Did you love her or yourself?  If you loved her for her own sake, why do you sorrow that she is with me?  Should not her happiness with me make you rejoice instead of mourn if you loved her for her own sake?”

“Did you love her,” He seemed to say to me, “for my sake?  If you loved her for my sake, surely you would not grieve that she is with me.  Why do you think of your loss, and lay so much stress up that, instead of thinking of her gain?  Can you be sorrowful when she is so joyful and happy?  If you loved her for her own sake, would you not rejoice in her joy and be happy in her happiness?”

I can never describe the feelings that came over me when I seemed to be thus addressed.  It produced an instantaneous change in the whole state of my mind.

From that moment, sorrow, on account of my loss, was gone forever.  I no longer thought of my wife as dead, but as alive, and in the midst of the glories of heaven.
(Memoirs of Charles G. Finney, p. 382)

The reason I like this story is that it vividly portrays all three of these elements:  the hurt, the help, and the hope. 

1. The Hurt

Hebrews 4:15-16 says, “For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (NKJV)

Jesus suffered in every way we could ever suffer, and He also is sympathetic with our weakness.

No matter how eloquent the words that are spoken today…

No matter how beautiful the music is…

No matter how kind friends are in their expressions of care and concern…

There is still a very genuine and valid sense of sorrow and loss that is experienced when a loved one is no longer with us.

Even when a person has faith, and this family does, there is still a sadness that exists because someone we love is no longer with us – we are no longer able to enjoy their company, their friendship, and their fellowship.

We see, within the pages of the Bible, a compassionate God who is touched with the feelings of our infirmities.

“Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4)

Jesus Himself faced great heartache when His own cousin, John the Baptist, was taken from this earth in the prime of his life.  When Jesus heard of John’s death, the Bible says:

“When Jesus heard what had happened, he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place.” (Matt. 14:13, NIV)

I believe that Jesus was deeply saddened by this news, and he desired some solitude in which I’m sure he was drawing comfort from His Heavenly Father.

Many times people will hear a story, like the one I read about Charles Finney, and they get the impression that God’s direction to anyone who is grieving is just to “snap out of it” and quit grieving.

But if you listened carefully to the wording, it is evident that there was a season of time involved before the Lord spoke to Finney in the way that he did, and it was then that Finney’s emotions were changed.

Just like there is a healing and recovery process that involves time when our body is wounded or injured, so there is a period of time when we suffer loss.

This is why the writer of Ecclesiastes said:

“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven…A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.”

The reason we have the ability to grieve is because we have the ability to give and receive love.

1. The Help

In John 14:18, Jesus said, “I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.”

Comfortless means “orphans – one without help.”

It has been said that God never sees His children die; He only sees them come home.

The Word of God is so very clear, that we as believers have received the Holy Spirit; who is our Helper and our comforter in every difficult place of life (John 14:16-18).

Psalm 46 tells us:

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in time of trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea.  Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof.  There is a river, the streams whereof make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles of the most high.  God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early.”

I Thessalonians 4:13-18

(13) “But we do not want you to be uniformed, brethren, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve, as the rest who have no hope.

(14)  For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep in Jesus.

(15) For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive, and remain until the coming of the Lord, shall not precede those who have fallen asleep. 

(16) For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trumpet of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first. 

(17) Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and thus we shall always be with the Lord.

(18) Therefore comfort one another with these words.”

   
BENEDICTION

Hebrews 13-20,21

(20)  “May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep.”

(21)   “Equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever.”  Amen.

COMMITTAL SERVICE

Revelation 1:17-18
17 “ … Fear not; I am the first and the last:
18  I am he that liveth, and was dead; and, behold, I am alive for evermore …”

John 14:19  “Because I live, You shall live also.”

Revelation 14:13, “Blessed are the dead which die in the Lord from henceforth: Yea, saith the Spirit, that they may rest from their labours; and their works do follow them.”

I Corinthians 15:51-55
 “Behold, I show you a mystery: We shall not all sleep; but we shall all be changed,

In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet.  For the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed.

For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality.

So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written: DEATH IS SWALLOWED UP IN VICTORY.

O death where is thy sting?  O grave, where is thy victory?”

________________is not here.  He/She stands in the presence of the Lord, the same Jesus who said to the dying man on a cross “…TODAY YOU SHALL BE WITH ME IN PARADISE.”
The body that lies before us is but the earthly tabernacle, the house in which __________________ lived among us for a time.  Tenderly and reverently, we commit that house to the grave,to God who gave it, waiting for the day when both the spirit and the body shall again be united at the coming of the Lord.

I Thessalonians 4:16-18
16  “For the Lord Himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first.”
17  “Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.”
18  “Wherefore comfort one another with these words.”
                                             

COMMITTAL PRAYER

Heavenly Father, we thank You this day for Your precious, eternal, and unchanging Word.  We thank You that You are, to us, the Rock of Ages and the great I AM.

In the midst of our natural sorrow, we thank You for Your supernatural comfort and grace.

In the face of death, we thank You for Your gift of eternal life.

In the face of separation, we thank You for the eternal reunion we so eagerly anticipate.

We thank You for ________________’s life here on this earth, and we recognize that the body that lies before us is not  ________________, but rather the house in which he /she lived.  We acknowledge that __________________ is rejoicing, even now, in Your very presence, enjoying the blessings of Heaven.

Father, we commit his/her body to the earth, from which our bodies were originally created, and we rejoice in the fact that his/her spirit is even now with You, the Father of spirits.

We anticipate the day when spirit and body shall be united again at the coming of the Lord, and we find great comfort in knowing that we shall forever be together with the Lord.

We thank You Father, that in the days, weeks, and months to come, these realities and the abiding presence of Your Spirit will especially strengthen, sustain, and comfort ______________’s friends and family.

IN JESUS’ NAME, AMEN.

by Pastor John White

FUNERAL SERVICE FOR
NORMAN ROLAND
March 12, 2004
Cullman Alabama

Gen. 5:5 And all the days that Adam lived were 930 years and he died.
8. And all the days of Seth were 912 yrs. And he died.
11. And all the days of Enos were 905 yrs. And  he died.
14. And all the days of Cainan were 910 yrs. And he died
17. And all the days of Mahalaleel 895 yrs. And he died.
27. And all the days of Methuselah were 969 yrs. And he died.
31. And all the days of Lamech were 777 yrs. And he died.

Intro: All these men lived long lives on this earth but the most common trait they had was “and they died”. No matter how long you live unless Jesus returns soon for his church you too will die.
I Cor. 15: 19 says if in this life only we had hope we would be of all men most miserable.

I. The Fear of Death Has Been Conquered.
A. Heb. 4:14-15
B. I Cor. 15:20-26

II. What Happens To Those Who Die.

A. Saints
1. Lk. 16:22 says that they are carried by the Angels to a place called Abraham’s bosom or better known as paradise. There with the Lord they await the gathering of the Church.
2. II Cor. 5:10 They also appear before the Judgement Seat of Christ to be judged for their works.

B. Unbelievers
1. Lk. 16:23, Go directly to Hell
2. Great White Throne Judgement
Rev. 20:12-15

Conclusion: Rom. 10:9-10, Give invitation

THREE THINGS TO CONSIDER:

1. Do you have a heart for people, lost people? You can only impact those you have a heart for.

2. Are you motivated by the right things? (Love, gospel message, to help hurting people, etc.)

3. Can you see beyond your own traditions to reach people where they are? (especially when asked

to do a funeral for someone you have never met and are totally unsure of their spiritual condition)

KEY SCRIPTURES:  (for defining the purpose of your service to the family)

Matthew 5:13-16 – A reminder to “let your light shine that they see your good works with the result of glorifying the Father!”

Isaiah 55:11  &  Romans 1:16 – These are not necessarily Scriptures you share at the funeral. These are to remind you that the gospel is the power of God unto salvation and that the Word will not return void. I’m not a big fan of “preaching” people into heaven at a funeral. I’m going to put the Word of God out there and let the Spirit of God do the work.

1 Thessalonians 4:13-13-18 – This Scripture get the seed of the Word into their ears and maybe their hearts regarding their belief in Jesus Christ.

Psalm 23 – Why do I use this? Because it’s the family/friends that are left behind that are truly in the “…valley of the shadow of death…” and God said he is there with you!

The Lord’s Prayer

This isn’t the time to teach about the real purpose of Jesus teaching them to pray. Most people at the funeral will be familiar with this prayer and sometimes this “religious familiarity” will bring comfort.

THE PROCESS:

FUNERAL SERVICE

Our Lord in heaven, as we have come together on this day to remember the life and love of  ____________________________, our feeling of loss can be hard to express as we honor his/her _____ years of life. Many aspects of his/her life were filled with a richness that love, commitment and dedication brings. I ask you God, that the words spoken in these next few moments would be those that accurately reflect your heart, for I want your heart to be made known……your care, compassion and love for these people.   Holy Spirit, I ask that as we remember this one that has entered heaven’s rest, minister to those that remain, bring them comfort, bring them peace………..In Jesus name, AMEN.

INTRODUCTORY THOUGHTS:

As we remember the life of __________________________________ born ____________________in __________________ and has gone to be with the Lord, _________________ 200____……We are faced with life in a different context. Although ___________________________ enjoyed a life surrounded by a family and friends, (As you have experienced in this loss), we see once again that life can be filled with such amazing / often difficult contradictions… Happiness / Sadness, Peace / Turmoil, Incredible Joy / Unbearable Sorrow

The writer of Ecclesiastes understood this (Read Ecclesiastes 3:1-8).

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

1 To everything there is a season,

A time for every purpose under heaven:

2 A time to be born,

And a time to die;

A time to plant,

And a time to pluck what is planted;

3 A time to kill,

And a time to heal;

A time to break down,

And a time to build up;

4 A time to weep,

And a time to laugh;

A time to mourn,

And a time to dance;

5 A time to cast away stones,

And a time to gather stones;

A time to embrace,

And a time to refrain from embracing;

6 A time to gain,

And a time to lose;

A time to keep,

And a time to throw away;

7 A time to tear,

And a time to sew;

A time to keep silence,

And a time to speak;

8 A time to love,

And a time to hate;

A time of war,

And a time of peace.

Some of these things we understand; some leave feelings of emptiness and despair, even loneliness.

There is a misconception that there is an answer available for every event in life, an answer that we can someday come to understand.

Psalms 23

1 The LORD is my shepherd;

I shall not want.

2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;

He leads me beside the still waters.

3 He restores my soul;

He leads me in the paths of righteousness

For His name’s sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil;

For You are with me;

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;

You anoint my head with oil;

My cup runs over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

All the days of my life;

And I will dwell in the house of the LORD

Forever.

Psalms 61:1-2

1Hear my cry, O God;

Attend to my prayer.

2 From the end of the earth I will cry to You,

When my heart is overwhelmed;

Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

The Lord’s Prayer

Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy Name.  Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is heaven.  Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those that trespass against us.  And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, for Thine is the Kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever.  Amen.

John 14:1-3

1 “Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me.  2 In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.  3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also.

I want to leave you with this exhortation:

1. Life is precious, make the most of every moment.

2. Take time to enjoy what you have, especially each other!

3. Take the best aspects of  _________________’s life and live them out in your own……….then a part of him/her can live on through you.

Committal Service

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18

13 But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. 14 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus.

15 For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who are asleep. 16 For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. 17 Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord. 18 Therefore comfort one another with these words.

* Then pray the Lord’s Prayer again.

Jesus said: “I am the resurrection and the life.  He that believes in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live.  And whosoever lives and believes in me shall never die.”

Prayer: “Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, and dust to dust, but the spirit is with you, O God, the giver of all life.  And we look for the resurrection of the dead according to your promise.  For he that believes shall never die.

We trust in your care and in your mercy and now commit this loved one __________________________ into your hands.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Committal Prayers: (circle one)   Cemetery     Funeral Home

Things to mention / check:

• No phone!
• Podium
• Did you ask for people that might want to share?
• Special Scriptures
• Arrange for songs to be played
• Extra chair if someone else is speaking

Songs:

1. _________________________________________
2. __________________________________________

Memories:

Others Speaking? _____________________________________

Deceased Name: ______________________________________

SURVIVED BY:

·  Spouse:   Married ___________ years. (Month_____Year_____)

·  Son(s):

·  Daughter(s):

·  Grandchild(ren):

·  Great Grandchild(ren):

·  Great Great Grandchild(ren):

·  Parent(s):

·  Brother(s):

·  Sister(s):

·  Niece(s)/Nephew(s):

·  MILITARY: ___________________________________________

·  WORK HISTORY/RETIRED FROM: _______________________

Church Funeral Preparation

Day/time of funeral:__________________________

SONGS:   

#1______________________________________

#2______________________________________

Name of Deceased: _________________________________

Nick-Name (if any)__________________________________

Age at Death_____________Born_______________

Where_______________________________Died___________________

Funeral Date / Time_________________________________

Location of Funeral Service___________________________

Cemetery Name / City__________________________________________

Committal Service:   Yes  or  No

If yes, location: _______________________________________________

Church Attended__________________________________________

Names of Survivors:

Spouse_____________________________________________________

Years Married________________________

Children_______________________________________________

Parents________________________________________________

Siblings________________________________________________

Grand / Great-Grand Children______________________________

Military Background______________________________________

Work History / Retired From__________________________________

Clubs / Groups / Community Service ______________________________________________________

Personality Type___________________________________

Stories / Likes / Dislikes:

How would you like this person to be remembered?