The Role of Faith Communities in Suicide Prevention
Dr. Tim Doty

Dr. Tim Doty works at Christian Family Institute in Tulsa, Oklahoma. He can be reached via phone at CFI or by email.

The following article is excerpted from The Role of Faith Communities in Suicide Prevention: A Guidebook for Faith Leaders by Dr.’s Tim Doty and Sally Spencer-Thomas. Go to Amazon.com obtain the complete manual.

I had just gone to lunch with a pastor friend that afternoon and by 9 p.m. the same night he was calling me to say: “remember that couple I was telling you about, well they are in suicidal crisis and going to the hospital.” His next set of questions might mirror some of the questions you might have had:  How do I help? What do I say? How can I let this family know that they are loved and cared for? How can I help get them get hooked up with professional help, especially if they are resistant to my suggestions thus far? As we talked into the night, and dealt with the crisis at hand, I realized that suicide is not talked about enough in my own faith community. It also made me realize the importance of the intersection between mental health and faith communities.

About 30,000 people in the U.S. die by suicide each year – an average of 1 person every 16 minutes. Approximately 800,000 people attempt suicide a year, which translates to a rate of one attempt every 39 seconds. For every completed suicide, at least 6 survivors of suicide loss (loved ones, friends and family members) are affected. The number of people who attempt suicide, die by suicide and are affected by suicide is staggering, however, suicide can a preventable tragedy. In particular, I believe that faith communities can be empowered to encircle people in a suicidal crisis with care, compassion and assistance in problematic times and as a means of prevention.

WORKING TOGETHER TO PREVENT SUICIDE:
Faith communities can offer specific programs to further encourage social connectedness and positive mental health in times of struggle. These programs can help make the connection between spiritual wellness and emotional wellness.  According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, suicide is the second leading cause of death for individuals ages 25-34 and it is the third leading cause of death for individuals ages 10-24. Thus, it is clear that suicide is a significant concern for teens, college age individuals and young adults. Over the last decade the field of suicide prevention has shifted to acknowledge that experts are not the only ones who can prevent suicide; very often the trained adults are the last to know when a person is in trouble. Due to the alarming rates of teen suicide, faith communities can play a role in educating peers and those who work with youth to watch out for the warning signs and risk factors that contribute to the possibility of suicide. One programmatic suggestion for faith communities is to implement training for teens, peers and leaders to better understand warning signs of suicidal consideration. Teens can help one another make positive decisions and convey to those in crisis they are not alone and the community is there to help.

DEPRESSION SCREENINGS
One way your faith community can send a message of hopefulness and well-being is to conduct community-wide depression screenings. For instance, if you already have programs promoting health and wellness, you can integrate mental health education and screening into these efforts. Depression and diagnosable mental illnesses such as bi-polar disorder, anxiety disorders and schizophrenia are all considered disorders that put people at greater risk for suicide. The mental health disorder that is most commonly associated with suicide is Major Depressive Disorder. Approximately 2/3 of people who complete suicide are depressed at the time of the suicide. 

PROGRAMS AND DISCUSSION GROUPS
Another useful community program that can help educate a faith community is to encourage discussion about mental health and suicide by offering programs that engage the community in dialogue around these issues. For example, the Bible discusses a number of individuals who struggled with a wish to die. A Bible study could be developed to discuss those who struggled with mental health issues or apathy with life. Consider the stories of Samson (Judges 16:28-30) who desired to take his own life as a means of sacrifice or Elijah (I Kings 19:4) who lay down and asked God to take his life. Discussions and questions can be developed (I have written some examples in my Guidebook for Faith Leaders) to help process through Biblical examples of men and women who have encountered despair.

WARNING SIGNS:
We commonly see changes in behavior when people are getting close to ending their lives. People who are in danger of taking their own lives may try to reach out to others – sometimes directly, sometimes indirectly. Rarely will at-risk individuals immediately volunteer the information that they are thinking of harming themselves. Instead they might exhibit some warning signs. The most common are verbal or written threats of suicide. They may be making direct threats like “I am going to kill myself,” or veiled threats like "I wish I were dead" or "People would be better off if I am not around" or "Soon you won’t have to worry about me" or "I just can’t take it anymore. I am done." Or they just may seem preoccupied about suicide, death, or dying.

The following is a useful mnemonic for remembering the warning signs associated with suicidal behavior: IS PATH WARM. Which stands for:

Ideation (thoughts of suicide or dying)
Substance abuse

Purposelessness
Anxiety
Trapped
Hopeless

Withdrawal
Anger
Recklessness
Mood changes

If someone you know is displaying these behaviors, ask them what might be going on. Ask them how you might be able to help. Send a message of hopefulness. Let people in crisis know that you and the community are available to listen and to help. By spreading the awareness of warning signs and risk factors, you can empower your community to take action and save a life.

KNOW YOUR LIMITS:
Pastors and religious leaders often counsel and work with people who are experiencing pain and considering suicide as a way to escape. Many people seek counseling from their religious leader before they consider seeking help from a mental health professional. In fact, clergy and pastors spend on average nine and a half hours per week counseling individuals, the majority of whom report suffering from depression. In many ways religious leaders are the frontlines of where people turn in a moment of crisis. While this may create pressure and anxiety for faith community leaders, particularly due to the seriousness of suicide, it points to the need to be trained and ready to respond to people in crisis. It is useful to know when it is time to refer to a trained mental health professional. 

LARGER COMMUNITY RESOURCES/REFERRALS:
As a part of a team of responders within your faith community, it is useful to maintain relationships with mental health providers in the community around you. Referrals to mental health providers are necessary once suicidal individuals have been identified. If the suicidal person is in crisis (e.g. direct threat, attempt or significant agitated depressed state), then immediate action is likely to help keep the person safe. Under these circumstances, call 911 or 1-800-273-TALK. When the situation is less serious, take time to listen to the person in crisis, be ready to accompany them to family or friends who can watch over them. Once the suicidal person agrees to seek out further help, connect them with a mental health professional. You may consider attending a first professional session with a crisis individual or family to help them transition from your help to the care of a professional.

For more information, please order a copy of The Role of Faith Communities in Suicide Prevention: A Guidebook for Faith Leaders by Dr.’s Tim Doty and Sally Spencer-Thomas available on Amazon.com.

 

This article is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is shared with the understanding that neither the author nor Tony Cooke Ministries is engaged in rendering legal, accounting, psychological, medical or other professional services. Laws and regulations are continually changing, and can vary according to location and time. No representation is made that the information herein is applicable for all locations and times. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.

© Tony Cooke Ministries, Inc. All Rights Reserved

 

Guidelines for Meaningful Prayer in Counseling
Dr. James E. Johnson

Dr. Johnson has 40 years counseling experience. He holds degrees in counseling and theology and is an ordained minister, as well as a licensed and certified counselor. He has authored three books: The Gift of a Sound Mind, Freedom From Depression, and Weaving the Family Tapestry. Dr. Johnson is also the Director of Upward Call and Shepherd’s Touch Counseling Ministries located in New Holland and Leola, PA. The following article is an excerpt from Dr. Johnson’s book, “Weaving the Family Tapestry: Biblical Principles for Counseling Couples and Families.” You can order a copy of Dr. Johnson’s insightful book by calling 717.656.4834 or sending an e-mail to [email protected].

The following questions cry out for a response from a Christian counselor:

Question #1: When Should We Pray?
Believers are to “pray without ceasing,” which means we’re continually in a prayerful attitude (1 Thess. 5:17). Yet certain situations call for concentrated prayer, such as the beginning and end of a session. These guidelines will help us intersperse prayer throughout the counseling process:

• Pray in advance of an appointment. A pastor once asked me to work with his family. I felt a powerful urge to pray for his family, which knit my heart with them before we met.

• Pray before people arrive. “I pray for ten minutes before each session,” a supervisee told me. “This is a great help to me and a blessing to my clients.” Counselors generally take a break between sessions, which we often use to write notes or grab a cup of coffee. Imagine spending these moments before the Lord, asking Him to calm our hearts and to guide us through an upcoming session.

• Pray at or near the beginning of an interview. I pause for prayer after I have completed the joining stage in the first session, which means that fifteen to twenty minutes have elapsed. This enables me to lift up each individual by name. For example, “God, please help Johnny as he works through issues at school.” I pray closer to the beginning in subsequent sessions. I invite God’s Presence into our midst, summon His wisdom and ask for His peace to rest on us.

• Send up “arrow prayers,” or pointed pleas for help, throughout the session (Eph. 6:18). These silent petitions invite God’s intervention into difficult situations.

• Call a “prayer time out” when you hit an impasse. “Let’s pray now because this issue calls for supernatural intervention,” we say. We ask the Lord to help with perplexing problems, which often leads to a breakthrough (James 5:16).

• Bless the family in prayer. Draw on the prayers in Numbers 6:24-26 and Jude 24-25. The prayer of Jabez and the petition of Moses are also marvelous supplications (See 1 Chron. 4:10; Ps. 90:13-17). These passages serve as a way to open a session, or close as a benediction.

• Pray at the end. A closing prayer is loaded with thanksgiving for the Lord’s guidance during our time together. This is often a precious time of ministry as people confess sins, forgive one another and garner encouragement from the Lord. This supports clients as they work through problems, sends them home with God’s blessing and places them in His hands until we meet again.

• Pray between meetings. Lift your clients to the Lord on a regular basis. Ask, “How would you like me to pray for you this week?” Then we can be specific about individual needs.

• Send a note or e-mail reminding people that you’re praying for them. This will warm the hearts of those we serve.

Action plan
Use several ideas from this list in counseling and document the results.

Question #2: Who Should We Ask to Pray?

I recommend that you lead in this area in the opening stages of therapy, as these points indicate:

• A counselor’s prayer opens people’s hearts to God, builds trust and keeps the session flowing.

• This enables us to take the lead from the beginning.

• Asking a family member to pray can create an awkward situation. I’ve seen people flush with embarrassment when they’re asked to pray, which interferes with a goodstart. For example, I once asked a father to lead in prayer near the beginning of a session. His hands were shaking and he wiped perspiration as he stammered through a string of religious phrases. His children snickered as dad struggled. So we want clients to feel comfortable before we ask them to pray.

There are benefits of asking certain people to pray, particularly at the close of a session. For instance:

• This strengthens someone’s role as a spiritual or emotional leader. Inviting dad to pray reinforces his position as a spiritual head. A mother’s prayer originates in her heart and resonates with emotion, thereby reminding people of the significance of feelings. A teenager’s prayer is a sincere petition for wisdom and guidance. A child’s prayer is a precious recitation that makes everyone smile.

• Asking clients to close in prayer takes the reins from our hands and places them in the family’s control, thereby letting people know that they are in charge of their destiny.

Action plan
List several disadvantages, or warning signs, of asking a family member to pray. Also note the advantages or therapeutic gains involved in this move.

Question #3: What Is the Role of Prayer?

• Prayer stands tall as a way to help troubled families (1 Tim. 2:1). This quiets people’s hearts and cuts through the tension that hovers over the room.

• Prayer speaks volumes regarding our motivation. This lets people know that we are drawing on God’s resources, which is highly reassuring to believers (Prov. 3: 5-8).

• A time of prayer is often the most meaningful moment in a session. “Our prayer times help me more than any101thing,” clients declare. God’s love and power touching people is the most significant thing that can happen in counseling.

• Prayer opens the door for God’s wisdom to flow (Prov. 1:7). There are times when I work with all my might with limited results. But God plants insights into people’s hearts, sometimes in a matter of minutes, when we pray.

• Counselors need supernatural wisdom to untangle the complex web of troubled families. Their convoluted tapestry makes us feel helpless. “All we can do is pray about these issues,” a perplexed practitioner laments. But this depicts prayer as a last ditch effort or an inept maneuver. Never! Prayer submits our needs to a powerful God who is infinitely sympathetic to our infirmities and intimately concerned about our welfare (Heb. 4:15).

• Prayer touches people’s hearts and brings about change (Mal. 4:5-6).

Question #4: How Can We Pray Effectively?
Here are several ways to accomplish this task:

• Make your prayers pinpointed and suited to particular needs.

• Pray for the peace of God to fill people’s hearts (Jn. 14:27).

• Pray that the family will share each other’s concerns and bear one another’s burdens (Gal. 6:2).

• Ask God to help them solve their most pressing problems (James 1:5).

• Pray prayers from the Bible (See Jn.17:20-24; Eph.1:15-19; Phil 1:9-11; Col. 1:9-13).

• Pray for an outpouring of supernatural wisdom in your sessions (Prov. 9:19; 1 Cor. 10:13).

Action plan

Think back on a prayer time with a client. Which of the above criteria did you apply? What was most effective about this experience?

 

This article is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is shared with the understanding that neither the author nor Tony Cooke Ministries is engaged in rendering legal, accounting, psychological, medical or other professional services. Laws and regulations are continually changing, and can vary according to location and time. No representation is made that the information herein is applicable for all locations and times. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.

© Tony Cooke Ministries, Inc. All Rights Reserved

 

Manage Your Church for Financial Success
by Dale Marples

Dale Marples and his wife, Betty Jo, are ordained through Rhema Bible Training Center and had been pastors for 24 years before retiring in 2010. They pioneered 3 churches during that time. Dale has a degree from the University of Nebraska in Business Administration and Finance. After serving as an officer and pilot in the U.S. Air Force he became a National Bank Examiner and Executive Officer in banking for 25 years. Dale also was Director of Treasury and Budget for the Oral Roberts Evangelistic Association for several years.

Today Dale has a consulting company, CFO Omaha, Inc., which provides financial management solutions for companies and churches and prepares business plans and financial proposals. He has also developed a financial seminar for pastors, staff members and church boards entitled "Church Finances 911" which is designed to enable church leaders to be good stewards of the finances that have been entrusted to them and to establish a financially sound and stable church.

Contact Information:
[email protected]
www.cfoomaha.com
(402) 502-2255

As the pastor of a church, you are the spiritual leader for preaching the Word and ministering to the congregation. You are also the CEO of a business. God called you to the ministry, but you inherited the CEO responsibility. In Bible School you were taught the Word and how to minister the Word but the financial management of the church was not part of the curriculum. This is not a criticism of the Bible School because they only have so much time to teach and the priority is the Word, which it should be.

Today I want to spend a little time sharing about your responsibilities to “manage the church for success.” The world is looking for success. Business managers are spending time and money going to management seminars. They want to be successful in their business careers and are looking for others who have that same drive. If we in the church can demonstrate that we also are managing for success, we can reach our community.

There are two primary ways that the community will judge the church. One of those ways is your facility. So what does a successful church look like to the world?  On the exterior, it would be a facility that has curb appeal, properly landscaped and well maintained. If you are in a strip shopping center, you are more restricted, but your signage and front entrance should be professional and neat. Does it look like a place where they would want to bring their family and friends?  When they walk in, is it clean, orderly and friendly?

The second way the community will judge the church is how the finances are managed. If you have a reputation of always paying all of the bills on time, the community will speak well of you, but if the finances are not handled properly and the bills are not paid on time, you will not have a good reputation. I was Director of Treasury for a large national ministry. Every bill that came in was paid before it was due because the head of the ministry said he never wanted to be out in the community and someone asks him why he didn’t pay his bills. That is the way you show that the church is successful.

Everything I have said takes money. You may be thinking, with the vision God has given me, I need a supportive staff. Then there are the children and youth and elderly programs, outreach & missions programs, and it goes on-and-on. You have a passion to reach your community, nation and world with the Gospel. Then there is also the expense of maintaining the facility. The pressure of all this is a distraction for doing the work of the ministry.

So how do you balance the needs for ministry programs and the physical maintenance of your facility? Simply by planning and managing.

The very first part of managing starts with having a plan. In the financial world that is called a budget. If you have been the pastor of a church for a year or two, you have your past financial history from which to build a budget. When starting a new church, it is more difficult because you don’t know how many people will come to the church and how that growth will lay out chronologically. Whichever church you pastor, an annual budget is necessary and each year requires you to prepare a new budget.

Preparing a budget is not an impossible task. When you look at the whole, that may be the impression, but take it one piece at a time and break it down into workable tasks. From last year’s history you know how much money came in. So for this year’s budget, determine how much that will increase based on the outreach work you will do. Then look at each expense. Ask, will that increase this year or stay the same or can I reduce it? By this time you should have God’s Plan for the New Year. Are there some activities not to be repeated this year and are there others that will be added?  Before I was a pastor, I had been on church boards and there was always someone, which on the first budget draft, if the expenses exceed income they just wanted to raise the income to balance it. That is setting the church up for failure. Every item you put into the budget has to have a justification for the dollar value you assign to it. Once you have the budget prepared, you move into the management phase.

The first step in managing your budget is prayer. You need God’s help in reaching the financial goals and His wisdom on managing the income. Each month, review your budget. Did your income match your budget?  If not, why?  How about your expenses? Are they in line with what you planned?  Maybe you need to make some changes in your spending priorities. Success is all in managing your resources so that you don’t over-extend your church financially. Of course, faith comes into the management but don’t commit to go beyond your faith. Brother Hagin used to say you can’t believe for a new suit if you can’t believe for a pair of socks.

Having been a pastor for 24 years, I know the responsibilities you have of praying and preparing to minister to your flock. As the pastor you have not been called to be all things to everyone, so don’t pressure yourself to be that. There is nothing wrong with being yourself. If finances is not your thing, then look for someone in your church to help you. If there isn’t anyone available, you may need to go outside of your church and find a professional to do your finances. This is not a suggestion but a firm statement that you must manage your church finances for success. The responsibility stays with the pastor, but who does the work is your decision. Always remember you are the spiritual leader of the church but are also the CEO.

How you handle the church finances is a witness to the people in your church and community. By placing qualified people to assist you in managing your church finances you can establish a sound financial base for the church. Then, manage it, and manage it for success.

 

This article is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is shared with the understanding that neither the author nor Tony Cooke Ministries is engaged in rendering legal, accounting, psychological, medical or other professional services. Laws and regulations are continually changing, and can vary according to location and time. No representation is made that the information herein is applicable for all locations and times. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.

© Tony Cooke Ministries, Inc. All Rights Reserved

 

Pastor and Spouse: What Do You Do When the Pain Thresholds Don’t Match?
Gerald Brooks

Gerald Brooks is the founding pastor of Grace Outreach Center, an interdenominational church in Plano, Texas. The church began in 1982 and has grown to a weekend attendance of over 5,000. Pastor Brooks is well-known for his passionate heart to help other pastors, and he mentors and teaches ministers across the country through various leadership conferences and roundtables. Pastor Brooks and his wife, Geni, have been married for 37 years and are the proud parents of three children: Wendi, Kayci, and Cody. This article is an excerpt from his new book, Understanding Your Pain Threshold, and can be ordered by clicking here.

Recent studies have brought to the forefront some facts about Christianity. In America there are 350,000 churches that are recognized by the IRS. The average size of the church is 127 people. That’s important to remember because pastors go to conferences where the host church runs thousands of people, but that is not the average church size at all. There are only around 2,000 churches in America that run in the multi-thousands dimensions. At times this creates undue stress on pastors.

Those statistics are interesting to compare to that of a pastor’s tenure in ministry. In the late 1970’s and early 1980’s, the average tenure of a pastor was 30 years. The most recent study done by George Barna reported that the average pastor’s tenure these days is now 15 years. There are young people in ministry, just as there are old people in ministry. Whatever has cut the pastor’s tenure in half in past decades has nothing to do with age. If this trend continues, we won’t be able to replace the pastors who leave ministry quickly enough. We are losing talent that the kingdom of God needs.

Scripturally, the Bible is honest about this issue. In Exodus 18:17- 18, it says, “And Moses’ father in law said unto him, ‘The thing that thou doest is not good. 18 Thou wilt surely wear away, both thou, and this people that is with thee: for this thing is too heavy for thee; thou art not able to perform it thyself alone.’” Now these verses point out something that everyone who has been in ministry over a week knows: There is wear and tear that comes with ministry.

Cal Ripken Jr., who played more games in baseball consecutively than anyone else and broke Lou Gehrig’s streak, was asked how he was able to keep playing night after night. He replied, “If you are going to play night after night, you have to learn to play hurt.” I immediately took that over to ministry and found that the same concept applied. You have to learn to play hurt.

I’d venture to guess that everyone in ministry today has watched friends and colleagues succumb to the toll of temptation or the trauma of ministry. What can we do to prevent the same from happening to us? We must examine our pain threshold.

My spiritual father, Kenneth Hagin, impacted me in ways no one else has. I remember the first day that I went to school. He stood in front of the class and told us to go read the books 1 Timothy and 2 Timothy. The following Monday he did a lesson on it that caught me off guard. It included the ‘Three P’s’ of ministry:

1. Purpose
2. Price
3. Profit

Purpose

If you’re going to make it in ministry, you have to define your God-given purpose. It can’t be your brother’s idea. It can’t be your sister’s idea. It can’t be your mama’s idea. It can’t be your dad’s idea. It can’t be because your aunt wants you to do it. It must be because you have a God-given purpose. No matter what that purpose is, if you don’t realize on the front end that there is a price to fulfilling it, you won’t make it.

Take a moment and think through the people who began in ministry with you. How many of them are left?

Price

Everyone wants to talk about the purpose and they want to talk about the profit. The people who last in ministry, however, are the people who are willing to pay the price for it. My spiritual father, in teaching this lesson, then went into great detail in 1 and 2 Timothy, where Paul talked about the sufferings and challenges of ministry. Even though I have never known anyone who talked about having faith more energetically than my spiritual father, he still stood before us and said, “If you’re going to make it, you’re going to have to understand that there is a price involved here.”

Ministry is a contact sport; you’re going to take many hits. Hurting people hurt people, and we don’t get to deal with perfect people; we deal with imperfect, hurting people. Many times, even when you’re trying to help them, you find that they are pushing back. We all know that life is not fair, and we live in a world where even as we try to help people deal with stuff, we are dealing with our own stuff. We don’t get to deal with perfect people; we get to deal with imperfect, unhealthy, hurting people.

Profit

Remember that what is at stake in ministry far exceeds any temporary reward. Ministry exists so people can go to heaven and so we can hear, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.” Let’s take a closer three men in scripture who all experience this sort of fatigue in their ministry: Elijah, Asaph, and Paul.

Elijah (1 Kings 19:4)
“And he prayed that he might die.”
He had had enough.

Asaph (Psalm 77:3)
“… I complained, and my spirit was overwhelmed.
He was over- whelmed.

Paul (Acts 20:23-24)
“… bonds and afflictions abide me. But none of these things move me.”
Troubles tried to get in the way of his motivation.

Taking these three concepts together, you have one of the reasons ministry tenure has gone from 30 years to 15 years: There are days when you feel like you’ve had enough and circumstances overwhelm you, and when you wake up the next day, more of the same stuff awaits you.

That concept is how my spiritual father introduced me to ministry. But continue to bear this principle in mind: God will never give you more than you can handle. This brings us to an uncomfortable question: what do you do if your pain threshold is different than your spouse’s?

This is important. See, on our church staff, many of the people who stepped down did so because of their marriage. H.B. London, who headed the minister’s program for Focus on the Family, was asked about ministry and marriage about how the two can work together. He answered that they seldom do. This is why your spouse’s pain threshold is so central. Two things you already know:

1. Don’t pretend the pain isn’t there – back in the 1970’s, there was a Portland Trailblazers basketball game that I recall. That night there was a player by the name of Sam Bowie who was playing the power forward position. Bowie had been an All American, and was now making millions of dollars. There came a moment in the game where Bowie was in the low block, the ball was passed to him, and he pivoted to get ready to jump and shoot. As soon as he landed, his ankle broke into multiple pieces. It literally shattered on live TV. It was one of the most horrific scenes you could see. People asked, “How could that have happened?” The reason it happened was because earlier, Bowie had been diagnosed with a small stress fracture. Instead of letting it heal, Bowie took painkillers so he could keep playing and wouldn’t feel the small stress fracture. And for a time it worked, but the fracture got bigger and bigger, until one day, on live TV, it became a compound fracture. When the pain threshold is there for us, we can’t pretend that it’s not. The Bible doesn’t teach that.

2. Make sure we keep perspective. We have to see the pain for what it is. Let’s bring the faith quotient into the mix. If you were taught faith like I was taught, then what you know is that faith is not simply denying the circumstance; faith is acknowledging that God is bigger than any circumstance that you’re in. In the name of faith, don’t look at the pain and say, “This doesn’t exist.” Instead, say, “You know what, God is bigger than this.”

The Bounce Factor

When it comes to you and your spouse, you have to understand the bounce factor. The bounce factor is illustrated in Psalm 42:11 where it says: “Why art thou cast down, O my soul?” David is talking to himself. He is saying, “You know what? I’m just feeling down.” He goes on to say in the verse, “And why art thou disquieted within me?” Clearly, David is not feeling on top of his game, and is very down. But then he bounces. “Hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise Him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.”

Everyone processes life differently. The bounce factor for me is different than the bounce factor for my wife Geni. There are things that I bounce back differently from and there are things that she bounces back differently from me. Because the bounce factor is there, you understand the processes of life. It would be wrong for me as a husband to make Geni process the same way I do, and vice versa. Some people have higher tolerances than others, and some have lower tolerances than others.

When it comes to the bounce factor, there are several principles to factor in:

1. Identify the gaps that create vulnerability. If Geni and I are going to work together in ministry and stay together, first we must identify the areas that we bounce back differently. The Bible says that as husbands and wives, we dwell together according to knowledge. Who you marry determines more about your ministry than anything else. If you are single and called into ministry, you make decisions in light of a knowing call of God upon your life. You don’t have to compromise making that decision. So yes, you could marry someone, but are they going where you are going? Are they willing to do what God has called you to do? Your spouse will determine more about what you do than anything. The next questions to ask are: Who bounces back in your family? Who has the highest bounce factor? How soon do they bounce back? When ministry starts getting intense, it starts hitting your home life. Frustration will build. You have to know that bounce factor.

2. Lead at a pace others can follow. In Genesis 33:14 (NKJV), it says, “Please let my lord go on ahead before his servant. I will lead on slowly at a pace which the livestock that go before me and the children are able to endure…” What Jacob was saying here was, “You know what, I can walk at a fast pace, but that pace will kill everyone around me. In Oswald Sanders’ book on Christian leadership, he writes that one of the tendencies of high capacity leaders is to move so quickly that pretty soon the people who want to follow them can no longer see them. Because leaders are high engagement, highly driven individuals, the easiest thing to do is to create a pace that is too great for people around them to keep up with. You have to determine the pace given the ministry that you have, considering the bounce factor that exists. You have to determine a pace that works within the spectrum of your family.

3. Don’t quit challenging. When the people we lead can no longer see us, it’s not that they reject us; they just can’t follow us because we are no longer in sight. So pray, “Lord, I know what you want me to do, but how do I accomplish it at a pace that challenges?” As a leader I never quit challenging people around me. I want to challenge them, but not cripple them. So every Monday I ask myself, “At what pace am I challenging us to grow?” and “At what pace am I crippling us to minister?” I didn’t know that early on, because I just assumed that everyone worked at my pace. I quickly found that everyone is not wired the same way I am, and they may work at a different pace than me.

4. Remember that ministry has a price. It says in Ecclesiastes 4:10, “For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.” One person can’t pay the entire price for the other. When it comes to surviving in ministry, God puts certain people in our lives. We need them. But one of you can’t always be the one who gets to have the problem. There are days that I am down, and there are days that Geni is down. It can’t just be one of us that gets to have down days. Something that counselors will tell you is that when a husband is always expecting of the wife, or the wife is always expecting of the husband, the relationship will soon deteriorate. Spiritually speaking, there are days where you are not on top of your game mentally, physically, or spiritually, but it can’t be that way forever. One of the things I look for when hiring is whether that person can do the job. Then I look at their mate and see how long they will do the job. I may look at a potential youth pastor and ask questions like, “Does he have the right personality?” “Does he have that gift?” “Can he lead the young people of the church into functioning relationships with God?” But then I will look at his wife and ask, “What do I know about her?” “Is she stable?” “Will she support his ministry or discourage him from it?” Everyone goes home and complains about their job. I do. If the person at home just looks at them and says, “I agree,” then that ministry won’t last too long. The person at home either stabilizes or irritates.

5. Look for trigger points. What bothers you may not bother your spouse. I have found, in talking with pastors, that most guys are bothered by the problem itself, while most women are bothered by the people who caused the problem. Men get bugged by the problem and think about how to come up with a solution and how to work the problem. But I have found that pastor’s wives are so much more bothered by what a person said rather than the problem they caused. Knowing what the trigger points are will tell you what motivates the pain threshold. God designed it like that so that you can protect each other.

6. Talk about the issues. Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.”Get the trigger point out in the open. Cover-ups are never good. Discuss it and be aware of it. Decide your obvious goals together and have those out in the open. State the simple goals like, “I want to reach lost people,” or, “I want to stay married and at the end of this life to look at my wife and say, ‘There were good days and there were bad days, but we made it through all the days, thanks be to God.’” A part of that is being aware of your tendencies, but you also have to make a decision. Decide that crossing the finish line without each other is not an option.

7. Understand that the people you pastor won’t get it. Years ago, I heard Buddy Harrison speak, and he introduced the verse Acts 26:17 to me. It says, “Delivering thee from the people, and from the Gentiles, unto whom now I send thee.” Until you’re free from the people to the point that they do not determine your security or your insecurity, you will not be able to minister to them. This is tough because we love our people, we care for our people, and we are committed to our people. But our security cannot come from the people. Whether they come to church or they don’t come, it’s alright.

8. Make sure you have each other’s back. The other person must know what you call unpardonable sins. At Grace Outreach Center, my unpardonable sin is messing with my family. You don’t get to mess with my family. Do I know that sometimes my family doesn’t do everything the way they should? Absolutely. But that doesn’t give anyone a right in my eyes to mess with them. Sometimes people will come up to me and say something about my wife. That is a bridge too far, and I’ll look at them and say, “You know the wonderful thing about Plano is that there are a lot of great churches, and I know you’ll find one somewhere else.” People will come up to me and say that they know my kids did this or that and I’ll think, “Man, you don’t know half the things my kids have done.” They don’t get to mess with my kids, no matter what they’ve done. For Geni, the same principal applies. I remember once I had been up all night with a young man who died. I had been holding his hand when he took his last breath. I went home after that exhausted, and I went to sleep. A lady from our church called and told Geni that she wanted to meet with the pastor. Geni told the lady that I wasn’t available. The woman replied, “Well he needs to be available to people. I guess you have to be dying to get attention from the pastor.” I remember Geni’s voice at that point, because up until then I had been asleep. At that point she raised her voice and insisted that she was not to be used as a back door to get to me. No one was to say, “Hey Geni, tell Gerald this.” Geni and I have each other’s back, and in that way we are able to manage each other’s pain threshold.

Law Enforcement Chaplaincy
Mark Clements

Chaplain Mark Clements and his wife, Paula, have been married for 33 years and have two adult children. Chaplain Clements has pastored Living Word Christian Church in La Crosse, Wisconsin since 1984. Read his entire bio at the end of this article. The Successful Death Notifications training manual may be purchased by contacting [email protected].

On Monday, June 19, 2000, my wife, Paula, and I were attending the MWPA (Midwest Word of Faith Pastors Association) Family Camp in Green Lake, Wisconsin. A time of praise and worshipping God had just concluded and the first speaker of the week had been introduced, but before he opened his Bible, Rev. Al Gluchoski gave an utterance in other tongues. Very much to my surprise, he pointed down to the end of the front row where I was seated and said, “Please come up here. That was for you.” After I did, he gave the interpretation, which started out, “The Lord is about to make you a person of influence with persons of influence….” I was certainly interested in what this might mean, and on the way back to my seat, in my spirit I heard the words, “Chaplain with the La Crosse Police Department.” I had been in pastoral ministry for 16 years at that point and had never even heard of – let alone pursued – police chaplaincy; furthermore, I didn’t have the foggiest idea of how I might go about pursuing it. Little did I know, I didn’t have to. Upon returning home from that conference, I found in our mail a letter of invitation signed by Chief Ed Kondracki of the La Crosse Police Department inviting me to an informational meeting in mid-July concerning the forming of a brand new program within the department – a police chaplaincy program!

That series of events, now almost 14½ years ago, began for me a journey in ministry that I hadn’t foreseen, didn’t expect, couldn’t have predicted, and which has been challenging as well as rewarding, frustrating as well as satisfying, has had the potential to produce tears, fears, be immensely exhilarating (and nearly everything in between), and a ministry beyond any and all doubt to which I am called to!

There was so much for me to learn in regard to being a law enforcement chaplain. One of the first books that I received — and that was so very helpful to me — was Chaplaincy in Law Enforcement: What It Is and How To Do It. I would highly recommend this book to anyone that has an interest in learning more about law enforcement chaplaincy. (Ordering information is included below.)  I was aware of chaplains that serve in our military, in our jails and prisons, in hospitals, and with fire departments. The rise of chaplains in the workplaces had even caught my attention, but chaplains that work with the police?? What do they do? What types of situations do they serve in? Is this a paid position, or are they volunteers? I received answers to these and many other questions during that time. The following is some of what I learned.

Modern day law enforcement chaplaincy is still rather new. The International Conference of Police Chaplains (www.icpc4cops.org), the premier law enforcement chaplain organization in the world, was only founded in 1973. I discovered that while the basic principles of law enforcement chaplaincy are pretty standard, there are some uniquenesses and variances between agencies and departments. For example, some chaplains serve a single department, others multiple agencies. Most are volunteers, but some serve in a paid position – full time. Some serve departments that pay for their training, others receive no support at all. In other words, I’ve learned that you can’t just look at one person’s chaplaincy experience and deduct that’s the way it might be for you. It takes some research.

I learned that law enforcement chaplaincy is generally like a two-sided coin, with one side being of service to men and women of law enforcement – local, county, state, and federal – and their support staff and family members, and the second side of the coin being victims of both crime and tragedy. The law enforcement chaplain is integrated as an official part of the police department and responds alongside of officers to assist individuals and their families that have been involved in emergency situations such as: making death notifications, providing assistance to victims, and assisting at suicide incidents. Police chaplains are called when there are automobile accidents, assaults, fires, burglaries, as well as when there are missing children, drownings, and in any urgent situation in which a chaplain’s presence to provide counsel and comfort would be beneficial. Police chaplains also make referrals, help with locating resources, and assist victims in contacting their families and/or their own clergy, and serve as liaison with other clergy in the community. They serve as part of a department’s Crisis Response Team and also deal with transients and the homeless. Police chaplains also minister to all members of the police departments which they serve, providing a “listening ear,” with all confidential communications legally protected. Chaplains often provide counsel to officers, to other members of a department, and to their families. They visit sick or injured officers and departmental personnel in their homes and in hospitals. Police chaplains teach officers in areas such as stress management, ethics, and family life, as well as furnish responses to religious questions. They serve on review boards, awards recognition boards, and other committees. Chaplains are also available to the departments to perform services such as:  weddings, retirements, and funerals. They represent the police departments at and participate in official functions and observances and offer prayers at special occasions such as recruit graduations, awards ceremonies, and building dedications. Due to the close relationship with law enforcement, chaplains undergo an extensive background check and a wide variety of training offered both by the department and organizations such as the International Conference of Police Chaplains.

No one is confronted with more situations that demoralize and create emotional, mental, and spiritual burdens than today’s law enforcement officer. These burdens also affect the officer’s family and other members of his or her department. Law enforcement agencies need the specialized guidance, counseling, and assistance for their officers, families, and communities. A law enforcement chaplain is a clergy person with special interest and training for providing pastoral care in the high powered and dangerous world of law enforcement. This pastoral care is offered to all people, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, national origin, creed, or religion. It is offered without cost or the taint of proselytizing. The law enforcement chaplain is led in his or her own faith to be available and ready to serve those in need. The chaplain’s ministry provides a source of strength to law enforcement officers and their families, other department members, and members of his or her community. The law enforcement officer’s clergy person or religious advisor in private life, although trained in ministry, is not necessarily abreast of the particular problems and dangers faced by officers. Chaplains listen and participate in the workplace of law enforcement officers with empathy and experience, advising calmly in the midst of turmoil and danger, and offering assistance when appropriate and requested.

Currently, I serve in the position of Head Chaplain in our local chaplaincy (the La Crosse Area Law Enforcement Chaplaincy), overseeing a group of 26 active and reserve chaplains – serving the La Crosse and Onalaska Police Departments and the La Crosse County Sheriff’s Department (through which I serve six other smaller jurisdictions as well). Since 2004, I have served as a Chaplain for the FBI and am currently working with the Wisconsin State Patrol to develop a chaplain program for their agency. I assist in training law enforcement chaplains and officers as an instructor for the Wisconsin Department of Justice and am a certified instructor for the International Conference of Police Chaplains. In 2011, I was elected to the position of Vice President within the International Conference of Police Chaplains, and will, in July of 2015, step into the position of President and serve a two year term.

Two things I’ve learned in regard to serving in the capacity of a law enforcement chaplain:

1. As with every other aspect of ministry, attempting to do this without the Lord’s help dooms a person to burn out in failure. The situations that you are called upon to deal with and the people and life’s circumstances that you come in contact with are immensely stressful, traumatic, and beyond anything you ever experience “inside the four walls of the church” or at home. You come into people’s lives at their lowest possible moment, often when they are traumatized and emotionally decimated. This is when you, as the Good Samaritan, are privileged to get down in the ditch with them and pour in oil and wine. When it’s an officer or their family member going through divorce, substance abuse, or depression, you are privileged to minister to “one of God’s ministers” (see Romans 13:1-6), and in every moment of this ministry, it is absolutely essential to have the Lord’s help, wisdom, and strength, to have His presence with you, and to have His hand upon you.
2. To be a successful law enforcement chaplain requires the support of my spouse, my family, and of my church. As a husband of 33½ years, and with two (now adult) children, I know I’ve gotten called out at dinner time, on Christmas Eve, or away from other family events on a number of occasions, but my family’s heart has always been, “You go. We’ll pray.” The heart is the same in the congregation of our church – Living Word Christian Church in La Crosse, Wisconsin – where I just celebrated my 30th anniversary of pastoring. Our congregation is full of wonderful people who have taken on a partnership with me in this ministry and who pray for, bake for, give towards, and, in a variety of other ways, assist in this outreach to law enforcement professionals and to victims of tragedy and crime. I can truly say that I have never heard even one complaint concerning my involvement in law enforcement chaplaincy.

Several years ago, my wife and I were returning from a conference and stopped at a fast food restaurant drive-thru in Springfield, Missouri. Two cars ahead of us was a police officer in his squad car. After he got his order, he pulled over to the side. I stepped out of my vehicle and tapped on his window. He cautiously rolled it down part way. I told him, “I’m not from your community, but I appreciate what you do. I wanted to say thank you.” That officer got out of his car, extended his hand, and told me that in 18 years as a law enforcement officer, no one had ever thanked him. I assured him that I was grateful for the peace and safety that we all enjoy here in America – for the fact that my kids can walk to school or play in a city park and that my wife can stroll through the mall without fear – and that this is due in great part to the work the men and women in law enforcement do each and every day at all hours, in all weather conditions, and on every holiday. Law and order go together. We have order (peace, safety, security, freedom) because we have laws, but laws in themselves are powerless without someone who enforces them.

I thank our God for our law enforcement officers – and the work that they do – as His ministers.

Recommended Reading

Chaplaincy in Law Enforcement: What It Is and How to Do It – 2nd Edition. David W. DeRevere, Wilbert A. Cunningham, Tommy W. Mobley, John A. Price (Charles C. Thomas Publishers, 2600 South First St., Springfield, IL 62704. 2005).

How Police Chaplains Can Serve Your Community. Chief Rob Hall (www.policeone.com. June 14, 2012).

Chaplain Mark Clements
Biography, 2014

International Conference of Police Chaplains President-Elect Mark Clements has been a law enforcement chaplain since 2000, joining the ICPC in 2001 and becoming the sixty-ninth Life Member. He has served as Chair of the Spiritual Oversight Committee, as the ICPC Wisconsin Area Representative, and on the Education Committee. Chaplain Clements is an ICPC certified instructor and member of the ICPC Disaster Response Team and Visionary Committee. Chaplain Clements is credentialed as a Master Chaplain with the ICPC and in 2011 received the prestigious John A. Price Award for Excellency in Law Enforcement Chaplaincy. Chaplain Clements is the President and Founder (2002) of the Wisconsin Police Chaplains Association (WPCA), an organization that promotes police chaplaincy to every law enforcement agency within the state and promotes membership and involvement in ICPC to each of its members. In conjunction with the WPCA, Chaplain Clements is a member of the Wisconsin Law Enforcement Death Response (LEDR) Team and the Mississippi River Valley Critical Incident Stress Management Team also serving on its Executive Committee. In 2012, Chaplain Clements was appointed by the Governor of Wisconsin to serve on the Governor’s Criminal Justice Coordinating Council. Chaplain Clements earned a Bachelors’ Degree from Trinity Biblical University and is currently earning his Masters Degree through Andersonville Theological Seminary.

Chaplain Clements is a chaplain with the Federal Bureau of Investigation serving on its National Steering Committee. He is also the President of the La Crosse Area Law Enforcement Chaplaincy, which serves the La Crosse Police Department, Onalaska Police Department and the La Crosse County Sheriff’s Department, managing a team of 28 chaplains. Chaplain Clements has assisted 14 law enforcement agencies in starting chaplaincy programs in their departments. Chaplain Clements annually hosts a Law Enforcement Appreciation Picnic for all area law enforcement personnel and their families. Chaplain Clements is certified as an instructor by the Wisconsin Department of Justice teaching at police academies for all law enforcement personnel in a seven-county region. On June 15, 2010 Chaplain Clements met with the Relational Skills Advisory Committee of the Wisconsin Department of Justice (DOJ) Law Enforcement Standards Board to establish a Death Notification training segment in the current 520-hour standard curriculum. The Wisconsin DOJ agreed to adopt the “Ten Steps to Successful Death Notifications” that Pastor Clements presented to their curriculum for all law enforcement personnel in the State of Wisconsin. Pastor Clements authored the training manual *Successful Death Notifications that assists law enforcement chaplains and agencies world-wide in this arena.

Chaplain Clements has been recognized by the City of La Crosse Police Chief Edward Kondracki receiving the Chief of Police Superior Achievement Award in 2004, the Chief of Police Distinguished Citizens Service Award in 2006, and a Certificate of Appreciation for dedication and service to law enforcement in 2009. He has also been recognized by the Federal Bureau of Investigation Director Robert Mueller for Outstanding Assistance provided to FBI Personnel in 2007 and Exceptional Service in the Public Interest in 2009, and was awarded a Certificate of Commendation for excellence in law enforcement chaplaincy for service to the Bureau in 2011. He was selected and awarded the 2011 Excellence in Law Enforcement Chaplaincy Award for the state of Wisconsin by the International Conference of Police Chaplains.

Chaplain Clements and his wife, Paula, have been married for 33 years and have two adult children. Chaplain Clements has pastored Living Word Christian Church in La Crosse, Wisconsin since 1984.

* The Successful Death Notifications training manual may be purchased by contacting [email protected].