Wired for Relationships By Pastor Jim Herring

Wired for Relationships
By Pastor Jim Herring

Pastor Jim HerringRev. Jim Herring is gifted Bible teacher who ministers God’s Word in a passionate, powerful, and practical way. The focus of Jim’s ministry is to help believer’s overcome the trials of life, walk by faith, and reach their full potential in life.

Jim graduated from Rhema Bible Training Center in Tulsa, Oklahoma specializing in Pastoral ministry. He also holds a Bachelor’s Degree in Church Ministry from Southwestern Assemblies of God University in Texas.

Jim and his lovely wife, Samantha, are the founders and senior Pastors of Abundant Life Family Church in Fort Worth, Texas. They lead a vibrant, thriving, and multi-cultural church in the heart of Texas. Jim and Samantha are also the proud parents of two children, Annabel and Andrew.

RelationshipsThere was a movie several years ago called, “The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.” I don’t remember what the movie was about but it does accurately describe our relationships.

Every one of us maintain multiple relationships. Some of them are great, some are good, some are bad, and a few may be downright ugly! Regardless of the state of our relationships, understanding and applying God’s Word to our life and relationships will help us find a higher degree of personal peace and fulfillment.

You Were Created to Be Relational

In the very beginning of the Bible we learn an important truth – God created you with a need for human relationships. In Genesis chapters one and two we find the account of creation. God created the land, the sea, the birds, the fish, the animals, and then He created man. God looked over His creation and declared it to be very good (Gen. 1:31).

When God breathed life into man, he came alive and enjoyed a relationship and fellowship with God. The Bible infers that God would come and talk with Adam in the cool of the day (Gen. 3:8).

Shortly after the creation of man a crisis arose. What was that crisis? Some say it was the temptation and ultimate sin of Adam and Eve. Others say it was when Cain killed his brother Abel. However, both of those responses are incorrect. God Himself identifies the first crisis in the Bible. The first crisis was a relational crisis.

Notice what God said.

Genesis 2:18
18 And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

The first problem that God addresses is aloneness. The reason this is a problem is because God created man with a need for relationship. In other words, we are deficient by design. Yes, we are fearfully and wonderfully made but we are also needy. We need healthy relationships with other people!

When God said, “It is not good for man to be alone”, He was not referring to divine relationship. Adam already enjoyed a relationship with God before God made the “alone” statement. Early in human history God was teaching us a valuable lesson – we need relationships with other people.

Over the years I have heard people make the statement, “All I need is God.” While that sounds religious and holy it is actually unscriptural. God created man with a need for divine relationship and human relationship. When either is missing, problems arise.

Marriage Is Not the Only Solution for Aloneness

Look again at what God said in Genesis.

Genesis 2:18
18 And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

Pay special attention to what God did and did not say.

  1. God did not say, “It is not good for man to be unmarried.”
  2. God did say, “It is not good for man to be alone.”

The problem of aloneness can be solved by being around other people – not just marriage. In fact, there are some married people who are alone. They don’t speak to each other. They sleep in separate beds. They pursue their individual dreams, goals, and hobbies. In essence, they have a marriage contract not a marriage covenant. They have a business agreement, not a healthy, loving relationship.

Created for Community

In his article, “The Snare of Isolation”, Jimmy Miller writes, “You were created for community, fashioned for fellowship, and formed for family.” The New Testament emphasizes the value of relationships and community repeatedly – over and over again we find “one another” scriptures.

  1. John 15:2 tells us to “love one another.”
  2. Ephesians 4:32 tells us to “be kind to one another.”
  3. Colossians 3:13 tells us to “forgive one another.”

God created us with a need for “one another” and responsibilities toward “one another.” He created us with a need for loving relationships with others.

Even secular surveys reveal our desire for relationship. Researchers interviewed people in an effort to determine what makes them happy. Surprisingly, the number one thing was not success, wealth, achievement, or even good looks. The number one contributor toward personal happiness was close meaningful relationships with other people!

Relationally Challenged

In our society it is easy to become relationally challenged. Think about it.

  1. You can do your banking through a machine with no human contact.
  2. When you call a business you are most often greeted by voicemail.
  3. You can email business and personal contacts without ever seeing real people.
  4. You can drive in your garage or apartment without ever talking to anyone.
  5. You can order your clothes, food, books, CDs, gardening equipment, and even household appliances, all online without talking to one single person.

Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott noted the following: “Neglecting your longing for relationship by claiming to be above it is as foolish as pretending you can live without food.”

Initially, that may sound a little far-fetched. Are relationships really that important? Can relationships really affect my health? Absolutely!

There were two independent studies done that illustrate our need for relationship. One was done by the University of California at Berkeley and the other was done by the University of Michigan. Both studies found that adults who do not cultivate nurturing relationships have premature death rates twice as high as those with frequent caring contact. James S. House of the University of Michigan said, “The data indicates that social isolation is as significant to mortality as smoking, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, obesity, and lack of physical exercise.”

The bottom line is this – you were wired for relationship! In order to help you navigate the relational waters in your life, I want to give you three fundamental truths about relationships.

1. Successful relationships require continual work.

If you are going to develop successful relationships it will require your time and energy. It will also require listening and communicating. In addition, personal sacrifice and investment are also part of the continual work needed to nurture healthy, loving relationships.

2. Always remember, the fruit of successful relationships always outweighs the cost.

The joy and fulfillment you will experience from developing healthy relationships is worth the effort. Peace, love, trust, and intimacy in a marriage are the wonderful byproducts of work and effort.

3. The starting point for developing healthy relationships begins with you.

Author Myles Munroe once wrote, “An omelet is only as good as the eggs you use.” When you mix two people together, their spiritual growth is the biggest key to having a good “omelet.” What can you do to improve your relationships – improve yourself. Nurture and develop the fruit of the spirit in your life (Gal. 5:22-23). Endeavor to grow in love, peace, joy, longsuffering, goodness, kindness, and self-control. Remember this – a better “we” always begins with a better “me”!